Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

sat in silence

Missing image

 

 

 

i
pilgrims played inside her irises

like the sun crouching
behind cumulus clouds

 

 

 

 

ii
she felt less naked
swathed by a nicotine veil

even though his desires
  slashed
an evening shaped rip
across her modesty

 

 

 

 

iii
ebony walked over
posing skin

 

and reflected reveries
onto the lens of her
             photographer

 

 

 

Author notes

Image Credit ---> http://trixypixie.deviantart.com/art/as-they-sat-in-silence-129529897

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    I love this, you captured so much in these snippets. I loved everythng about this piece. Well done. best to you in the contest


  • shipfingers
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    the second part of ii is a little confusing. i think this would flow a lot better with punctuation. the imagery in i is pretty intriguing.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow; I honestly wished this
    went on & on & on... cause
    I would have read & read & read.

    This was utterly amazing..
    you've constructed pure brilliance
    here, and metaphors to savor...
    deeply inspiring piece.

    I absolutely loved

    "pilgrims played inside her irises"

    and how you've made this into
    vigntette form.

    Exceptionally done

    & if this doesn't win gold
    I will be in complete awe.