I was always afraid
of dust on antique cabinets
and sepia stains that loomed where
age could eat me;
like photographs of rain
and faucet drains
where I'm the water droplet
too small to cry
my soap and stars but -
your hands never greet me
I loathe the rain
for in its light
time breaks and falls
inside of me
lies ancient dust
where your touch
lingers
Author notes
Prompt: http://strany.deviantart.com/art/When-It-Falls-72713200
"when it falls"
30-80 Words
I know you underlined the OR, however, while my main focus was the picture, it is obvious I took a wee bit of inspiration from the second. Sorry.
G r e e n H r t P a l e M o o n
A contest entry
- When it Falls... by kiwigirljacks.
700 points, ended July 16, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - favorites only. prewrites that i haven't commented before. by sideways hourglass.
650 points, ended July 28, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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this is lovely and full of depth
brilliantly writ as always,
congrats on the gold!
Tasha
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Congratulations on the Golden Chalice!!
Much food for thought... brilliant!! 
Peace,
Cyn
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This is utterly breathtaking.
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Such a beautiful poem.
Reminds me a little of Billy Bob Thornton because I've heard he's afraid of all things antique - not that I would know, but I do wonder what would cause the fear & age/death makes good sense.
Most especially, I love the break from logic & into the poetic, that inner knowledge: 'in its light / time breaks and falls'. Quite magical & gorgeous.
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Worthy of gold.
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this is beautiful, and so haunting.
great job. loved it
-
"age could eat me;
like photographs of rain
and faucet drains
where I'm the water droplet
too small to cry
my soap and stars but -
your hands never greet me"
-it's as if you took out my heart and smacked it into those words. i felt it so much.
And the ending was chilling.
Loved it.
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Inspiring piece, your muse is back, just as it was when I first read Midnight in Transit. Encore!
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Good job ...
but remove the semi-colon in the last stanza.
Otherwise, good job.
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This goes really deep - somuch so that I kept feeling all kinds of things at once..
♥
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Well.. you know, as I was reading this I started to feel choked up!!
"where I'm the water droplet
too small to cry" -- I have felt this before!
The lingering... the depth of emotion here. Captivating!
(I need to change the way I word my contests.. I don't mind both prompts being used)
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I had to peep at the image that kick started such an amazing poem
Those feelings deeply though out and measured
Beautifully done
Best wishes hun
Much love Auntie Julie
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This is stunning. Well crafted it takes the reader to your internal world and reveals a crack in the world where the rain runs out. Excellent metaphors in this as you turn rain into something to be feared . . . an emptiness and loss. Water is often symbolic of feelings . . . our heart overflows or we pour it out or we are flooded with feelings.
Excellent.
Garrison
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