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Existence Makes a Difference

There's somewhere in the day to day
Where grays are color bound
And mundane flame gone drama
Is no longer just a sound
A girl can get real serious
When she camps in troubled woe
And she flounders in the haven't gots
Beyond the need to grow

Self pity can be torture and
The grays can soon go black
When dealt in overwhelming odds
Sucked void in what you lack
But even on a rainy day
A teardrop can be found
With all the rainbows colors
Light to shining on the ground.

So she might think she's worthless
And she might feel she's blind
But she never knows who's watching
Or who's garden she will mind.
Usefulness ain't up to her
Creator's got her hand
When she opens up the curtain
And reaches past the bland.

Rags can make a pretty quilt
And trash ain't for the cheap
If you take the time to clean it
Once it's sorted from the heap

Some days she prays for eyes that see
The music of the melody
Apple's fallen from the tree
Still there's more for you and me.

Dragged about and walking slow
It might seem she's done
But there's always more to purpose

Once another day's begun
So she cries her tears and feels her pain
But gets up from dark
And knows it isn't all in vain
Existence leaves a mark.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Sleepless Drivel
    October 10

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    The last line is fantastic! Lines and lines about drudgery, and making it through the days, ended by this fabulous recognition that helps alot of people get up each morning. I'm not sure about the stanzas though. The short ones almost act as small, catchy limericks, that almost break up the emotion. I guess I am mainly referring to this one.

    "Rags can make a pretty quilt
    And trash ain't for the cheap
    If you take the time to clean it
    Once it's sorted from the heap"

    Personal opinion though. There is nothing wrong with your differing stanza size, and it does provide a sort of...experienced objective insert into a wildly emotional poem, and it stands out because of it's reduced size. Although, since the second four line stanza is not so objective, I don't know if you were going for this.

    I loved it though, and particularly thought the last stanza was very insightful. I also like how you focus your stanzas immediately with a fairly specific, and clear thought, and then become more abstract into the stanza to evoke emotion.

    Well done!


  • kyew
    July 25

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    exprience!

    what a way to say that word! lol this poem reached out to me even though I don't generally enjoy rhyme. you rhyme well, I might add.

    I'm usually a big one for technical critique but I can't find anything I would change in this (myself). the meter is perfect, the rhyme is exemplary. very well done with this.

    the added bonus is the insightfulness of the whole poem. a pleasure to read.


  • awannabepoet
    July 23

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    Well what could one say but splendind, this was an excellent read something to brighten up a day where all things old seem to be tomorrow's refuse, to be thrown into that proverbial junk pile where youth seems to climb and slide with that tobagon of on-rushing technology.

    Beware I suppose all that is old, all that has lost its shimmer and shine shall one day come to be treasured in some good old fashioned flea market.

    Perhaps one day life itself will be recyclabe.

    I like it, I like it so!


  • williamstown silver member
    July 15

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    Masterful (or should it be mistress full these days?) command of rhyme and metre. Beaulifully expressed. Such a sad subject though.

1 - 5 of 5