Dear -----,
Strawberries can't last forever without being eaten, nor can any fruit for that matter. Seedy textures and soupy fructose don't halt on command while banquet sized fruit salads are on the chopping block. At the observation of your hands slicing a near-ripe nectarine, I attempt to roll over the ledge.
To drop to the floor for your luscious regard of desire is admitting pride's defeat. Yet befriending an electronically chilled shelf isn't exactly sustenance either, nor protection from writhing froth.
I am simply unpreservable - so please
take me now.
Caitlin
Author notes
H o p e l e s s D r e a m s
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A contest entry
- open arms and definition by of insincerity.
1750 points, ended July 20, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I
TOTALLY get
what you are saying.
I’m just a little
uneasy
with your analogies
considering what anything eaten IS after
the body processes it.
I don’t want to be
nit-picky.
I do understand
what you are saying.
It’s just . . .
-
Outstanding
This is an intriguing letter - I liked the way you developed the concept of fruit - you made me feel hungry- and the way you wrote it as a metaphor - for me it was about opportunity and not losing sight of your goals. Best of luck in the contest.
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Great concept and execution.
Hault (haughty) should be halt (stop)?
I would cut the blank lines to, at most, four.
I keep going back thinking the language is over blown - too ripe (ow) but then realize it all works. I think you could do this as free verse and still keep the feel of the letter. That allows you to use line breaks for emphasis and doesn't overwhelm the reader with your imagaes all packed so tightly.
Well done. Buff
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I like the way you make this "real". It was a letter that I can see sending to someone and yet it is unique. Very nice!
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this was interesting. the beginning line is absolutely stunning, even though it's a simple and obvious concept. great write!
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Fantastic
This is absolutely delightful. It is awkward where it needs to be! Very lovely. This is true and vivid and real. Thank you. Do not change a thing. -
Amazing. ♥
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