you wanted to miss me so much that winter
but it wasn't working.
and as hard as you tried
to return the phone calls
your fingers were too despondent
to dial all the numbers.
your brain too full of flight
to be weighted
by the notion of all my longing.
i thought persistence might inspire a change
in you
or maybe a change in how the cold
continually stung my face.
your favorite color was green and i kept a green pen with me
for a day that you might need to write something down.
and i saved all the change i had in my pockets
for a day that you might have forgotten your wallet.
i heard you singing a song under your breath one time
and i went home and learned it all by heart
and, well, i don't know why i did that.
Author notes
here i dreamt i was an architect, the decemberists
A contest entry
- here I dreamt I was an architect. by etoile.
2825 points, ended August 20, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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this is beautiful.
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I love this and your take on the prompt. the last stanza is absolutely brilliant and the ending is so powerful, even though it's so simple. that's what I love about your writing. you don't hide behind so many metaphors and stuff, you just lay it all in the open and it's just amazing.
goodluck and thanks for entering
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i know this feeling well. i even did the song thing once. well done.
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incredible. really, truly.
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love it.
i really enjoyed this poem...felt like i was there. awesome contest entry!
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Lovely, Hun.
This is just brilliant.
<3 -
absolutely wonderful.
a breath of fresh air.
i actually don't know what to say.. it was just so short and sweet and real.
it was just real.
xx -
my first thoughts while reading this was... ya, why did i do those things? lol...
both sexes do this... the hope that one day the other will see you like you see them. maybe even wishing they were holding onto my favorite color pen as i was holding onto theirs.
the enjoyment of thinking about someone, of getting to know them, is a beautiful thing. it's the cold sting in the face that is hard... the acknowledgment that the feeling will never be the same, especially after you open up.
i am realizing that it isn't going to be me holding onto spare change, or carrying around anything that might impress him... it is going to be the holding onto who i am that will one day bring someone special to me. someone accepting me for who i am, and vice versa... taking the time to talk and getting that feeling there is more will happen. eventually... i think. lol.
i liked the very simple things you used to describe something much more complicated.
.
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amazing. (:
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gahhh.
i love this.
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isn't it kind of pathetic how far we will stretch ourselves to impress someone enough to get a second glance?
i know that's how i feel about it anyway...i feel like this is about the guy that will do anything just to make the girl he's interested in smile with hopes that one day it will be mutual. recently, i've come to realize a lot of women don't appreciate that guy no matter how genuine his intentions are.
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