Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

bee stings

 

 

i

                   body like a violin;
eyes like blue unlit matchsticks

she was breathtaking

 

 

 

ii

she whispered in stars
and placed them
                        along the outside
                        of her fears
because
sometimes it took
the sting away

 

 

 

iii
he
watched cyan coloured air
swing beneath her steps
            to him she was dancing
                                     
                    

 

 

                                                      in truth
                                               she was running

 

 

In a list

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Topnotchsy
    November 15
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poem regardless, and almost astounding based on the variety of the prompts.


  • birksy silver member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    very easy to read. almost cinematic in some way. this style is almost 'positional poetry'... (yeah, i just made that up, but it fits!)

  • J Macabre gold member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    That i can see some humor in around the last stanza. Wow...you've got a style of writing i don't think I've seen anywhere else. You always leave me thinking. Brilliant.


  • chilali
    July 26
    Edit | Reply
    so damn pretty! i love it. i too read this poem like three times already. the imagery is just so prettyy! gorgeous work


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    July 26

    Edit | Reply
    oh, i enjoyed this poem...it causes you to read it two or three times
    to enjoy the imagery of it's strength!

    I really enjoyed this poem!
    lovely, lovely!

    the last line powerful & brillant..
    in truth
    she was running..

    for me, personally,
    I would have added
    in truth she was running...

    running as fast as her legs could carry her!

    (been there done that)
    ouch, ouch, ouch!
    (giggle)
    ears/Seattle
    Way to WRITE!


  • dieu.
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    i love the imagery in this,
    it's absolutely beautiful.
    you're a finalist for sure.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    Very intellectual piece.
    You combined the prompts so
    eloquently and with wisdom
    well beyond your years.

    I would have struggled with those
    prompts, and you made it seem
    effortless, and you've crafted
    it so smoothly. The flow was
    immaculate, and even more so;
    your concepts.

    Stunning, truly stunning piece
    hun! You should be proud,
    of all your work!

    Best wishes in the contest
    & keep that pen rolling

  • dieu.
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    B

    Picture: http://glowingkitten.deviantart.com/art/Blue-81932449

    Title: bee stings

    Word: baby blues

    Colour: cyan

1 - 8 of 8