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Eternal story teller




Wailing pictures play a melody
upon your apple-shaped heart

smothering the acrid atmosphere
as though it had been shrouded
by the knight you adore.

One that drowns your mind in such contriteness
putting your sanity into a vice

and sings of faulty escapes
leaving you hidden amidst golden pages
to retell every tale for the thread of time

 

 

 

 

 

dirty and abused.





Author notes

Hope you like this one sis

Prompt: Fairytales

A contest entry

Please give me an honest critique

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Dmonik
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, now I've IM'ed you how I would have done this, I will take a moment to say that all in all, this is an excellent piece, and while my own changes say the same damned thing as yours, I actually enjoyed reading this. I have missed reading your work, and I should start making more effort to read more. You are a wonderfully talented writer.
    Bravo

    'D' (Scott)


  • jcat gold member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    A very interesting take on the prompt!! I love the direction you took this in!! Congrats on the shiney, most deserved!!


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is a nice write... "apple-shaped heart" is a lovely image, though I notice you're still doing the adjective thing... Heh. Getting better, though.

    The only thing that bothered me was the word "shroaded". Shouldn't is be "shrouded"? You're a special one, sis

    Thanks for your entry


    • ShadowsMidnightRose
      July 12
      Edit | Reply

      Thank sis

      I'm glad that I am finally getting better at that, and I'll change that error quickly....