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feel

how do you feel
when you don't know how to feel
and how do you breathe
when everything's surreal

when you can't stop your heart
from beating, falling apart
and everything inside your soul
just laughs and then takes hold

tell me
how do you feel


the storm outside, wakes your mind
nothings good enough this time

you're standing in the rain, you're dry
it's hard to dance alone at night




    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • kay772
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    omg, i like this. it shows emotion it shows that not always you know how to feel and the feeling can be covered up


  • babyseal
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    you captured this all... surreally.

    in particular, love this part-
    and how do you breathe
    when everything's surreal

  • Pinnacle of Poetry

    WOW
    this is prolly the best you have written in my opinion ... maybe some of me is rubbing off nahhhh

    "the storm outside, wakes your mind
    nothings good enough this time"

    thats an amazing bit right there
    even thou i know from the next two lines its a real storm you speak of, to me i seem to visualise as a storm not of rain but of feelings, thoughts and maybe even pain.

    PURE POETRY

  • ozma
    July 12

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    Wonderful write! I especially love "you're standing in the rain, you're dry
    it's hard to dance alone at night" It makes me melancholy....I am so proud of you.
    For constructive purposes, I would substitute the word "all" in place of "everything"...but if it is a song, then it may not match the tune.


  • kirbysman Moderators member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply

    Nice, Nice

    Things you write always seem to come out so lyrical. Storms, rain, the sea all seem to fascinate you and invade your writing. "The storm outside wakes your mind." Really love that line and thought. Maybe you can sing this to me one of these days.


    GP Paul

1 - 5 of 5