I don't talk to my heart,
because I don't like talking to strangers.
I heard it yell inside my chest,
But I ignore it as it burns.
The shadows keep wondering,
why I look like them.
I'm getting self-conscious,
Just by being close.
Nearness is a science,
the simplest chemicals make me explode.
I'm out of place in the world,
And there's no seat saved for me.
I think I have to make my own,
but I'm not sure how.
Pedestrians are common colds to society.
There's no impact but filled spaces.
And I'm one of them,
Never to be known as a person.
Whispers are corsets around my voice;
To touch me is to tighten.
I don't need to breathe,
I just want to speak.
I'm a secret unkept to misery;
I made my life so quiet.
God doesn't notice like everyone,
Instead he makes happiness for others.
I'm just a pedestrian,
uncared for.
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A contest entry
- for my favorites only---ok now its for everyone by Shelby K.
800 points, ended August 26, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Go for gold (again) by Random Renee.
400 points, ended August 31, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1 - Auditions.. 2 entries and PWs by T.o.r.t.u.r.e..
1400 points, ended September 22, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Opiate rubber chicken dipped in play dough (3 judges contest round 1) by Progandother.
1900 points, ended December 5, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 73 of 73
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First two stanzas were great. The concept of being a stranger to your heart, rendered in the most simplistic, striking way.
Also, the science of nearness. All really true.
I can sense a lot of undercurrents but I didn't swim too deep.
Smooth!
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I like the metaphors you used. Especially in the first stanza,"I don't talk to my heart,
because I don't like talking to strangers." Excelent work.
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It was very good.
Interesting to describe a pedestrian like that but I like it.
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this was good. it was interesting and it showed great emotion. i loved it
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I don't talk to my heart,
because I don't like talking to strangers.
I know this feeling.... this probably speaks to me more than anything else in the work... This is a very powerful poem, and very deep and meaningful. Amazing job!
Lillie
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I can relate to what you have expressed;
and I believe that, over time, you will find a satisfactory place for your self in this world
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This is excellent work. Its complex in its simplicity. (Does that make sense?) Theres a lot of emotion here. its amazing. It makes me feel lonely just reading it. The 1st and Last verse are my favorites.
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Wow
The ideas here -
" i dont talk to my heart because i dont like talking to strangers"
"I made my life so quiet God doesnt notice"
"im a secret unkept to misery"
The ways of loneliness - unknown to even onesself. Scary. Well expressed.
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i love it! I'm sure a lot of ppl will relate to this it's very well written perfect starting!
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This is so very well written, i like it very much. It definetly deserves a gold, just have to get it in the right contest i guess.
favorite stanza:
"Pedestrians are common colds to society
There's no impact but filled spaces
And I'm one of them
Never to be known as a person"
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"It's just fucking..."? THat's a bold statement... I haven't read yet so let me test it... Okay.... those first 2 lines are good. Strangers, yes. Relatable. The tense should be hear in line 3. You need some commas in this to make it more effective. Stanza 4 is really cool. "corsets around my voice" now that's pressure, lol./ Very original. Dig that.
Overall, well executed. Like I said, the shameless pitch was a bit arrogant, but still cool.
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the first stanza really caught my attention but i felt it slipping away as i read the remainder of the poem. nevertheless, it's still a really amazing write!
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"I don't talk to my heart
because I don't like talking to strangers"
Amazing, amazing starting! This is such a string piece, very meaningful.
It really made me look back and reflect on a lot. I really enjoyed reading this.
You kept me intrigued and interested the whole way through.
Started and ended with pure talent!
Great write!
-heva
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a very introspective, intelligent and enjoyable call for help. each stanza deepens the meaning so that by the end i feel like i know you and know where you're coming from.
i really enjoyed this, and not just because i've felt the same. -
Wow, this is great! Really feel the emotions and sentiments of the poet, I relate to this! great work here!
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I don't talk to my heart
because I don't like talking to strangers
WoW
Way to Grab Me from the Start
Read It, Felt It, Loved It
Some Awesome Work Here
Cant really Say a Favorite Part it's all Great
Thanks for Sharing
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wow i really love the first stanza.. very powerful way to start off a great poem... and many ppl can relate to this.. bravo!!
~Sam -
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this, even sometimes people you never thought would, feel like this sometimes. It flowed well, but could flow a little better with some punctuation. It was sad, but I enjoyed reading it. It did kind of end suddenly, but it needed a strong ending like that to work. You did a great job. Keep up the great work.
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Kind of, to me not such a good write. I don't mean to come off rude but maybe if you rethought the piece it'd be worth more to the reader
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I loved it.... so much beautiful imagery in this one..... and it really hooked me right from the lines,
"I don't talk to my heart
because I don't like talking to strangers"
Dragged me right in because I knew EXACTLY what that meant.
This is wonderful. Keep writing!
-K
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The begining surely pulled me in. And the meaning made me shutter slightly. It does make me want to think twice about those people, and the fact that I can be one as well.. chilling but true.
The ending did abruptly end, to me at least. Kinda through me off a little, but I did like this. I'll give you a heart. <3
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it ends a little suddenly but its really good =^_^=
10,000 clappies
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This is very good! In some way I can relate to this... read my poem Wanderer when you get a chance. I feel some of the same thoughts here. The opening stanza is very strong and the imagery is excellent... I can see in my mind, someone walking along, these thoughts in their head, feeling out of place. We have all felt this way at one time or another I believe, and you have captured the feeling well. Really great write.
Blessings,
Amy
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amazing write!! IM lucky to have had the pleasure to reading your poem! congrats you are amazing!
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Nearness is a science
the simplest chemicals make me explode
Pedestrians are common colds to society
There's no impact but filled spaces
And I'm one of them
Never to be known as a person
Whispers are corsets around my voice
to touch me is to tighten
I don't need to breathe
I just want to speak
My GOD SOO GOODDD this is what im talking about and looking for..amazing and different !! thank you great write good luck!!!♥ -
Standard issue, no longer fresh from the can. You as sense of anomie and alienation while displaying a sense of inner strength that can often only be described with tears.
Peace,
Tom B.
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Hmm
Sadly lots of people can feel like this, like no one sees them and looks at them like pedestrians of life. It's a horrible realization, yet I'm guilty of doing the same thing. Maybe I'll think twice before I just look at someone and avoid them because they're just 'filled space'
~Sey -
welcome to the gluttons for ass whopping
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Cleverly written from his line to last!
Loved the first lines...
and adored.................verse:
Whispers are corsets around my voice
to touch me is to tighten
I don't need to breathe
I just want to speak
loved it...as writers...we often
forget to inhale- too busy ex-haling...
and we wonder why....we feel a little
singed, burnt out.
You have a wonderful style of writing!
ears/Seattle
Pleasure to read!
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I really love the first two lines of the poem. They are extremely strong and powerful. The second to last stanza also spoke well to me and had some nice imagery. You expressed really well the feeling of helplessness mixed with frustration and desperation, especially in the line "I made my life so quiet"
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This is a very wonderfully written poem!!! You did very well with the imagery! I loved it!!! It's so beautiful and sad... "I don't talk to my heart
because I don't like talking to strangers
I heard it yell inside my chest
But I ignore it as it burns
The shadows keep wondering
why I look like them
I'm getting self-conscious
Just by being close
Nearness is a science
the simplest chemicals make me explode" those two stanzas really stuck out to me! Keep up your amazing work!!!! And best of luck!!!
TwiztidMaggot -
Beautifully Sad
"I don't talk to my heart
because I don't like talking to strangers"
That is some serious talk right there! Those two lines pulled at my brain the hardest, I also loved the corset line. Your imagery, while sad is quite beautiful, so despriptive. I like the unique descriptiveness of this.
I know how you feel about not knowing how to make your own seat, but I think the whole world has to learn how to make their own seat, and many before us have, many after us will, we just need to learn the best way for ourselves in order to do so. I spose' it's all abou learning, adjusting and "Feeling the fear & doing it anyways" as my dad says. Just getting out of our comfort zones... Or so that's what I think.
Thank you for making me think with this piece! It was a great write!
Brea
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This whole poem is well-written and description, but for me: It was all about those opening two lines. LOVED the "don't like talking to strangers" idea. It's funny how easy it really can be to lose oneself in this world - I guess that's why we're told and reminded that we're really not from this world at all.
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definately NOT pedestrian
such a bleak picture of lonliness - especially liked the line "whispers are corsetts around my voice" . Bravo!
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aww this is such a sad but cute poem.loved the 1st stanza..bravo
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This poem is filled with such vacancy and hollow emotions. I loved that you reached out and grabbed me, pulled me in and made me feel exactly what was going on here. Awesome write :0)
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I really feel the lonely emotion in this. I know this feeling well. And you very creatively explained it. There is just something about your wording that just makes me want to read this over and over again, but then again, I guess thats the point of poetry. Haha. thank you for your entry. =]
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wow, filled with so much emotion and sadness, but very personal and relate able. beautiful work
x
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Full of such pain and loneliness...made me feel quite sad, actually
Thank you for sharing your poetry in this contest
I wish you well in all your writing endeavors -
I like the persona's thought here, it got me interested to entertain its thoughts
Love the description: subtle and yet tugs a nice image to the reader;
there is something missing, though- can't quite put my finger on it.
Maybe because the persona is all talk, no actions- makes the reader curious if he'll do something, though: great piece, all in all
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This is amazing, I love the expression and thought put into this
x -
Strong imagery evocative of loneliness and isolation; especially thought-provoking first stanza. I'd like to see a hopeful note at the end with the speaker ultimately realizing God's special love for him/her.
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Thought this piece had a lot to offer, its
a very good perspective into the world of someones isolation and the wording flowed smoothly and it had a very great impact for the words described , what i had felt at times. The point of writes it so when a person reads they can either feel like they are there or they feel like this is written for them. nice you accomplished it,.
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Great expression of one's self feeling out of place in this world. Love the metaphors and the emotion in this write.
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Oh wow. This is a great write. You did a great job with this. I absolutely loved the very first two lines, it had me hooked from the moment I started reading. Thanks for sharing! Keep up the great writing.
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I like how you express your feelings of isolation in light, easy to digest metaphors. rather than stuffy dark ones
great job on ur style in general -
Wow, I can I can really identify with this! The metaphors are excellent, and I was drawn in from the first line and held throughout. Best of luck in contests, and a very well dome piece.
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woooow
ur poem is reli good i can see why ur so good lol if dat made sense
we sud team up and take over da wolrd
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There is a stark loneliness to the voice of this poem, a sense of detachment from society, from God, even from self.
The imagery and wordcraft are superb, the reader's empathy is pulled in by the strength of the phrasing.
Not to be picky, but just to suggest dropping the 'I' in line 4, and "I become' instead of "I'm getting" in the second stanza - very minor I know, but might help the flow, which is generally excellent throughout the poem.
Nice work!
PJ
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wow yea the metaphors in this are amazing...
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"Whispers are corsets around my voice
to touch me is to tighten" -Nice visual there.
I like also that it is not all one big, long paragraph stanza. The flow is alright, a touch off in some spots, but altogether, minor and very fixable. Punctuation should help fix some of those and tighten it up a bit. Overall, great effort put forth. Not bad at all.
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Wow I really like this. It has incredible imagery. Thank you for sharing it with me. Good luck in your contests!! Love and peace, ME
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Like it - very visual
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I like how you just write what comes to mind and make it all flow together. Great work.
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Oh my goodness
Only if you could embrace the very child within that so wants your love .For to be loved one must love themselves to take care of that body that holds that soul and help it be the best it can be . To smile when was the last time you truly broke a smile in front of others and make them wonder whats going on in your head . Its amazing what a smile can accomplish and if practiced everyday it will bring such love your way . Great write here and remember often when one chooses silence their voice within is the only one they so hear .Thus if you speak badly about yourself and no one ever hears your thoughts how would you know what others truly think .You might be surprised if you start a new day talking to others and listen to their views now and then this doesnt mean you have to follow their views but you may be surprised at what they feel -
Awesome write. I enjoyed this piece tremendously!!!
thank you sooooo mucch for sharing this one, I related to this so well.
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Not bad ...
but you have a typo in stanza 5, line 3: (breathe, not breath)
Otherwise, this is a fairly good job. I hope, however, that your self-esteem is a bit more staunch than this would suggest.
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I like how you grab the attention of the reader..
Very clever and very descriptive...
An unbelievable perspective ..
An awesome talent you have to be so young.
I really enjoyed this.
Amazed,
Mandi
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My herat goes out to you... i know the feeling of feeling like a bystander and an outcast to my own life. you're right, it is alot like steppin into a room and being the ony one standing,with no empty seats.
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this is awesome I could leave it as "awesome" and not say anything else, but instead I'll try to squeeze in everything I liked about this the first two lines are brilliant to open up the poem, instantly I wanted to read on. and I love the whole idea about the shadow making you self conscious. that stanza is probably my favorite.
"I'm out of place in the world and there's no seat saved for me" is so well-thought out. It reminded me of a quote, so if you truly are feeling this way, remember that "The best way to be spectacular is to be yourself"-- (Alex Noble).
The general idea about being a pedestrian and how it's so hurtful to be uncared for is penned so well Good luck in those contests, I think this poem is a worthy choice!
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i love the first stanza. first line immediatly gets my attention. very original too.
shadows wonder why i look like them- thats beautiful.
whispers are corsets....i like this verse too!
i dont think this is as strong as it could but,
but i really like it!
nice write :] -
Really awesome poem. You had me hooked with the first two lines. The poem is very decriptive and I like the way you write it. It's very different.
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kool
Kool poem =) , you have a unique style of writing , this is very clever and descriptive poetry , i like lines - I'm getting self-conscious
Just by being close
Nearness is a science
the simplest chemicals make me explode
cold but wonderful k.
byyyyyyyyyye k
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Oh the heart and the mind
You know often they struggle amongst themselves and the mind so often wins and in doing so breas the heart .But as you grow older you will find that the mind isnt always right it likes to play tricks on us while we grow up . And to choose the thoughts that makes our life the best it can be and leave the rest behind you will find is the key . You know that person within and what that person wants more than anything .But staying silent how would others about you every know you want their friendship and love .People cant read our minds thus we hold ourselves back from Joy
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this was amazing, really enjoyed it, awesome job with itt
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your opening two lines were very interesting!
Thank you for entering.
Sophie
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Charming pedestrian
"I dont talk to my heart
because I dont like talking to strangers."
The couplet has immense potential to catch the reader's thought.
This poem is truly much ahead of your biological age. Great creation.
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Well Done
I really enjoyed this, you had some fantastic lines!!! Great Great job!!!
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very good, I like the originality of not talking to your own heart because it's a stranger to you; I think that's especially true when you are young and just trying to figure it all out and that it grows familiar as you go along. Having to make your own seat in life, you're onto it there.
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A Pedestrian in life. That's pretty deep.
I dont talk to my heart
because I dont like talking to strangers
I like your metaphors here and your comparisons.
I'm out of place in the world
And there's no seat saved for me
I think I have to make my own
but I'm not sure how
You did an excellent job with this
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Wow and your 15?
What a beautiful write...really wooow! and your 15?!?!?!?!? Now I feel bad lol no really very beautiful piece of work very insightful!
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good poem
I like this it is a powerful peice. I think though that four lines then five lines then four lines then five would make it more appealing, excellent.
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Man....
your 15.........................
Christ.......you have a unbelivable perspective on
things...........
wait...
i have to read another..............
this one is excellent my brother............................
Pretty blown away,
Liam
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