dear mom-I just wanted to tell you that I'm not the greatest person in the world. Nor am I the coolest, prettiest, or funniest. I also wanted to tell you that I do the best with what I'm given. I am proud of where I am no matter what I have done or what I have said. I make mistakes. And I keep making them. But I also make memories. And friends-the people who would go through hell with me and back. The people who love me no matter what. I believe that everyone is different. But I also believe that everyone needs the same basic things: food, water, shelter, and love. I think that you are a very strong person that gives people exactly what they need. Even if it goes unnoticed or unappreciated. I also wanted to let you know that I admire you greatly and that I think that you truly are an amazing person. love colleen
Author notes
x x s h o o t i n g s t a r s x x
just a bunch of thoughts about aqua and life...sorry if it's bad. it's from the heart.
A contest entry
- postage stamps glued to the wall until further notice. by Aquamarine..
950 points, ended July 24, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest! I want real critques not just this was great...[I like those too though^^]
Comments
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disjointed somewhere
Sometimes it's good to just let the words fall out and spill over the paper regardless of form or meter. I think you veered off somewhere, maybe by swapping from I to me in the middle, maybe by suddenly switching to talking about your friends.
I particularly liked the lines;
dear mom-I just wanted to tell you that I'm not the greatest person in the world. Nor am I the coolest, prettiest, or funniest... I think that you are a very strong person that gives ... Even if it goes unnoticed or unappreciated. I also wanted to let you know that I admire you greatly and that I think that you truly are an amazing person. love colleen
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awee, this is defiantely NOT bad
i loved it, thank you
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