There are times I'm willing to swear that you leave letters drifting across my counters light and thin as fallen hair.
They are written in black sharpie pen made of alcoholic breath. The words crooked, blurred and making no sense.
(the run-on sentence of an eternal child)
You think I should know what they say, or understand why you married a man that dug through bags of reasons to beat you.
But I threw up as I got older, throwing out the garbage of my mind and concluded:
That I will not transfer your parchment bruises against my skin like cheap tattoos.
Still, this means that I eat bowls stacked on bowls of loneliness mixed in with my morning and evening oatmeal. I prefer sliced bananas but what's good for you often lacks flavor.
Now that I had cut away everything but my toes, I had no option but to keep walking away. In these last five years, I must have seen you in the subtle silhouette of eight hundred dark haired women who wore their hair in a ponytail.
just.
like.
you.
Sometimes I imagine you are already dead, holding weightless just outside my front door. You call my name three times like a knock.
But before I can answer, you dissipate back into the frothy bubbles on the surface of the blue brown lake,
that stretches out just beyond my worn out welcome mat.
Author notes
sometimes i find the estrangement from my mother to be strange...
In a list
A contest entry
- get me out of this funk by Saffron.
650 points, ended August 7, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like this a lot. I had a problem with the line: "But I threw up as I got older", and I couldn't really tell if you were sayint that you couldn't be with your mother because she let her man beat up on her, or because you just couldn't understand her, or both. Also, the rythym of the poem is choppy and inconsistant. From what I remember, I haven't read you in a long time, your style is sort of choppy in places for greater impact, and melodic in others for the same reason. I've always liked that, but this is too much so in my opinion. In certain places that is. I thought the first line could use a comma behind counters for instance. Hope that's helpful instead of frusturating. I do, I do like the poem, ya.
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I absolutely love the reference of tattoos vs. bruises—some bruises are permanent, and I loved this metaphor. I also really liked the description of having no other choice but to walk since she cut everything else away. The way you spoke of your mother as a silhouette spoke volumes about the distance placed between you over the five years you wrote of—I thought that image was just brilliant.
You have this wonderful way of building an entire picture on one page with stunning visuals. I just love your writing—you don’t do it nearly enough.
Saffron
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a wonderful piece of poetry that lifts the light of heaven into the folds of eyes where dreams capture colours and sail
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this is strong and extremely well written. the first line captured my attention and the rest of the piece held it tight like an overbearing mother (:
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the first two stanzas are very heart felt and well written, i have to wonder if 'but i threw up' should be 'but i grew up' i feel it would compliment the poem well. other than that, i certainly felt a loss of a world no longer needed
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yeah but sometimes estrangement is sanity saving, no? It's too bad though. I was estranged with my father for years. Before he died I did go to see him to make
personal amends, if you know what I mean. Totally selfish in a way. But I felt like a weight had been lifted.
As for the poem, I can't think of anything hard to critique, here and there I might reconsider a word or two, but I think that's more of a personal issue. lol. You're ending was dead-on. I also loved the idea of bruise/tatoo metaphor; excellent.
Sorry I can't be of more use than to read and appreciate.
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very insightful
and I'm sure very painful... I applaud your ability to write and draw the reader in and feel your emotions.. I was very moved as I was reminded of my own emotions in similiar situations...
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