Rest In Peace

I can't bear to get well,
I can't bear to make the bruises go away,
Because they remind me of you.

Each one makes me think of you
When I was a kid,
When I still thought my bruises were so cool,

They were marks of battle,
They showed how tough I was,
And the colors were so pretty.

I could never associate how I got them
With how much I loved my bruises,

So now I'm anemic,
And I bruise from being flicked,
I can't bear to cure it.

I can't stand to take the supplements,
And make the bruises fade away,
Because I'm afraid that without them

Without them I might forget
How Much I Loved you
When I was a kid.

I couldn't bear it if I got older,
Forgot how I felt back then,
And only remembered the bad times,

Remembered when you started drinking,
When you started throwing things at brother,
When you started hitting us.

I couldn't bear it if I couldn't remember
What a cool mom you were when we were kids,
you taught us how to burp the alphabet.

You taught me how to cook,
And admitted I bake your recipes better than you,
You were what I wanted to grow up to be like.

When things started to fall apart,
Our family began falling apart,
I held so tight to brother,

Just like you told us to do.
You thought we'd turned against you,
So you tried to make us hate each other.

I would forget every bad thing,
Forgive every lie and curse directed our way,
If it just meant that I got my mommy back.

I won't ever speak to you again,
Because my mother died,
The woman who took over is not the woman who raised me.

I hope that one day you die peacefully,
I hope that you find peace,
And a way to square things with the universe,

But this is my goodbye.
I Love my Mother with every bit of me,
I wore almost nothing but black for a whole year in mourning for you

After I had to run away.
I only recently started adding bright colors to my wardrobe,
I'm growing up and moving on.

I'm working towards a career I love
Where I'll help people my whole life,
I'm in love with a wonderful man,

I wish I could share it all with you,
But I'll just have to settle it
By knowing you loved me,

And you wanted me to have the world,
You always said I could be anything.
I have chosen what I want to be.

I want to be independent,
I want to be a productive and contributing member of society,
I want to be a mother one day.

I'll be an even better mom than you,
Because once upon a time,
You showed me how a Mother should be.

You probably won't ever get a chance to read this,
But If your eyes make it to these stanzas,
Know how much I loved and respected My Mom.

Rest In Peace.
You were loved
And will be very missed.