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Scarlet Chess

To hide the vulnerability lurking in the shadows
was your wisest move and yet your greatest sin
in this game of scarlet scandal chess in which
all of your pawns are now not at your disposal.

Your hands tremble slightly as your majestic king
falls from his grand throne to the cold dirty floor.
Tapered fingers whiten to coarse chalk from the pressure
as one by one I emotionlessly slaughter your defences.

If an onlooker was not in the know, they may think
this brutal game of life chess is inhumane on my part
yet they'd only have to delve very deep into your mind
and they'd recoil in horror, realising - your fate is deserved.

A contest entry

Are the metaphors good enough?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • xXGoddessofPainXx
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    I think it's such a wonderful use of words. The piece is absolutely brilliant indeed. I like the flow and the idea behind it. Thnaks Very much for enterin

  • SimplySonnets gold member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    Liked your very talented write, the metaphors are a joy, keep your poetry coming you have a very strong talent. liked this a lot, good luck.


  • BrownEyedGirl575
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    I love the metaphors! Really good! The only thing I would suggest is that on line 5, "magestic" just has a little typo, should be a j instead of a g. (majestic) Awesome write and thanks for your kind comments. Have a great weekend!

    • munchbitty
      July 12
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou Yes I'll go fix that; thanks for pointing it out. xx

  • Writing0Freedom
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Follow the rules, please go reread them. You can enter again, but please read my rules, comment on one of my and one of my favs poems so I know you know what type of writing I'm looking for , and link it , and put AP name in An

    • munchbitty
      July 12
      Edit | Reply
      you didn't even state what 'type' you were looking for =/

      • Writing0Freedom
        July 12
        Edit | Reply
        so just kidding, I'm acutally not allowed to do that to ask people to comment, super sorry, that was all my bad.
        I'm looking for prose, and free verse. I did state. I am still asking people read my favs just to read, because that type of writing is what I"m looking for.

        • munchbitty
          July 12
          Edit | Reply
          Yeah this is pretty much free verse?

          • Writing0Freedom
            July 12
            Edit | Reply
            yea but the imagery and metaphors which I mentioned I was looking for aren't there. It's a good piece just not what I was looking for. If you read my favs, the writing I'm looking for has a lot of metaphors and powerful emotion and imagery.


  • lolagirl
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    wow i cannot beleive your only 12 and wrote this. Such a good poem!!!!!!! i love it , your wording, imagery, everything!!!!


  • Sarahbear09
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it. My only input is maybe to change chalkily to something stronger. The metaphors are amazing.

    • munchbitty
      July 10
      Edit | Reply
      I've kept chalk in but I've worded it different so it's more of a metaphor ... do you like it? x

1 - 15 of 15