letting go and on my own

I can’t take it anymore
My life lines are gone
They are falling apart before my eyes
They held me above the water
Now they are slipping themselves
Letting go of the rocks they held onto
Falling and fading away
They were all I had
I look at the crashing waves below
Close my eyes
Deep breath
And fall
I let go before the drag me down
But I never learned to swim
Jerry says he can’t hold my hand any longer
So I am on my own
swimming in this river with no hope
Current thrashing my body
Crashing against me
Rocks break my bones
My spirit
Eminem’s relapse album blasting in my ears
Tears make this river deeper
The current is too strong Jerry!
I can’t swim!
Help me Jerry please!
He has turned his back
This is my own fault
I know it…
He taught me to swim
I just have to remember
If I don’t, I will die
I see him on the shoreline
My angel sent by God to guide me
But not escort me
This river is bloody
My cuts are all brand new!
Bleeding profusely
Screams choked out by the smoke in the air
Jerry isn’t even looking anymore
His own life is hard enough
He can’t focus on me now
I understand
But I’m still scared
Pop my medication
Light up a cigarette
Cry some more
Every drag
Brings the nicotine closer
Pushing everyone else aside
Put it out
Run home
Hide under the covers cj
This is just a bad dream
Just wake up
NO CJ YOU ARE ALREADY AWAKE!
Stop pretending it will all go away!
Only you can stop this ride
Only you can save you
Jerry can’t save you
Sarah can’t protect you
Chaz can’t make it all go away anymore
OPEN YOUR EYES!!!
Take control of your life for once
Stop being the Goddamn victim!
Listen to Jerry’s words
Not her’s
You are STRONG
Just believe it cj
Take control
Ok…
I will try
My razors and knives are gone
I spent the money I had for weed on other shit
Cigs almost gone
I can do this
Pray for me
I’m gonna need it ya’ll
God help me
For I cannot help myself
I realize my weakness…