A man was lying dead
In the dark narrow lanes
A bullet in his head
But still not in pains.
He called me over there
And still I awe in wonder
That, why reflexively I,
Didn't just absconder!!
Then as is in a whisper
He said in my ear,
Thing that even as today
I am unable to decipher.
He said -
"See, I was killed tonight,
Actually shot in the head
Well I am trying to figure
Why am I not yet dead?
No pains there I felt
It was quite splendid time
I was waiting for him to take
Me, on a nice long drive
Then he came down,
Wearing a golden crown
With a smile on his face,
To ferry me to his town.
Seeing the gaping hole,
Marked on my head
“Wow! What a shot”
He admiringly said.
Helped me by his warm hands
Cuddled me like a little boy
And in search of distant lands
Took me high into the sky!
“A hole in the head is better,
Than a pierced heart I say”
“True” I replied naively,
“See, here comes the day!”
I know it was quite stupid,
To have said that silly thing.
I thought I was allowed now
To do all sorts of blabbering!
Then we saw the entire world
Like a strong high flying bird
It really doesn’t hold so much
Just a couple of things absurd!
Men, women and structures tall
Animals, plants and that’s all
A few things actually comic;
And a few things quite scenic
Then he brought me back here
Having shown my fair share…
In my maimed body again
For this sane world to disdain …"
Saying this he swiftly passed
His soul simply vaporized
Grey moonlight wavered
As the dawn slowly arrived.
I am still left in wonder
As I take this as my muse
Because, the more I ponder
The more I seem to lose…
Maybe it’s stunningly stupid,
Or too damn hard to perceive
My imaginations just vivid,
Maybe both, I believe…!
Author notes
Well, I hadnt been writing for a week now, so I thought should write something - something stunningly stupid and also thoughtful...
This write I prefer to call as deep and thought provoking though silly, (some might assert its stupid - but then its hard to distinguish between ingenious and stupid writing!)
Maybe a closer look might provide a better view of the underlying emotions - (but even after that you dont get it, rest assured that you aren't the only one, I too find somethings a little difficult to comprehend!!! )
Just have fun reading it! Its supposed to entertain you, as it did to me!!
A contest entry
- come take a look! please?? (rhyming contest!) by nobodys-girl.
400 points, ended July 16, 237 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MAKE ME LAUGH! -PW allowed by Heva Feva.
800 points, ended August 12, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
ALL CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS WELCOME!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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A Good Read
This is some poem with a point some place I am sure, anyway it kept my interest to the end and you put some good work into it, you are fun to read after
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Not stupid or silly...
certainly different, and a good different. I liked the read and the story poet.
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Interesting! The first stanze should be split into two just like the rest of them. Other than that, this was a really cool write and I enjoyed reading it.
Good luck and thankyou fo entering my contest. Also, thanks for making me laugh!
-heva
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Very Interesting!
I like this piece alot, and it held my attention well. However, in line six, you may want to change the wording to say, "And still IN awe I wonder." It seems to me that IN and I are backwards in that line. With that being said, great job!!!
s to my friend Pranj!!
~Gin
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thanks Gin...
love,
pranj
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stunningly stupid yet thoughtful.... yes that definitely sums it up. I thought it was completely ridiculous actually, but yes it was thoughtful. I wish you could write more eloquently on some things, because I would love to see how it would turn out. Because you obviously have talent, it just seems to be buried under all this silly stuff. I have to say one part I really liked was the ending. it's quite profound
I am still left in wonder
As I take this as my muse
Because, the more I ponder
The more I seem to lose…
Maybe it’s stunningly stupid,
Or too damn hard to perceive
My imaginations just vivid,
Maybe both, I believe…!
I agree and let me add onto this...
Some things are too quickly said
And some things are too often lost
Some may call the language dead
But I think that's their loss!
Though the days are short, they're sweet
Every second to be held dear
Don't let yourself drown in defeat
Realize the importance of just being here! -
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thank you, I have been writing sad and thoughtful things, but then stupidity also has some value, it gives your face a smile, maybe a taunting one but a smile...!
thanks...!
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it was for sure entertaining! a great story with an awesome rhyme. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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You have told quite a story here in verse. I think it keeps the readers attention very well because you tell just enough each stanza and not too muc.
Love,
Amera♥
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kool
Kool poem =) , very unique style of poetry , something that garry crew would write , i wouldnt call this stupid but twisted, something that you have to read over to understand it's story , very clever,wow, wonderful , kool k
byyyyyyyyyye k
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To have a wake up call...wonderful thought provoking write. Blessings.
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Thanks for the comment!!!
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Wow I liked this...It was interesting that's for sure. Great job this is awesome!!!
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I think it did entertain,
my fav. line is
the more I ponder,
the more I seem to lose...
this is more profound then most may ponder
we always seem to miss mark
I believe you have created a great write
well done
God bless you my friend...
thank you for sharing
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Thanks a lot!
I am happy to know that it entertained you!!
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