insecure

I wake up only to see
that my broken heart has been cured
no more darkness in my eye's
I'm not alone or scared

I feel nervous instead
my eye's let on i'm happy
my heart is saying be careful
I honestly don't understand anymore

I've been haunted most of my life
so now it's ok to be happy go lucky
that's not what i'm thinking either
so I sit here nervous waiting for the next move

My family keeps breaking me the same as always
I'm use to that , that's not ever gonna change
my friends are closer to me . could it be a joke
I hate this feeling of feelings so insecure

why won't anyone tell me
tell me whats going to happen next
do they know i'm about to go crazy
that i'm so unsure of everything right now

could it be they just don't care about me
I hope not , I love my friends
they help me through the dark times
or am I the only one thinking that
could it be all those times i've actually helped myself ?

please just leave a clue someone
tell be if it's ok to feel secure
tell me if they are actually my friends
tell me if they are just having some fun

does anyone knows how much it hurts
to not understand anything around you
it's a crazy feeling you know
I hope that the world around me is safe from it

Deep inside my heart
I know many people are feeling this feeling
they have the same fate as many
to be abandoned & torched

p.s this hurts