I slam the brown door behind me in fury
and collapse on my comforting bed,
wondering why she had to go so soon,
why she had to hit her head.
My white pillows, so bland and plain
have now become a bed of clouds
so consoling, so reassuring
they hide me as I cry aloud.
A herd of tears flow down my face
carrying with them my pain and sorrow,
but they are no match for my bed of clouds.
They are demolished by the cotton throw.
- A Group for Poets Under Nineteen group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Prewrites, show me what you got. by GraveyardGoddess.
400 points, ended July 22, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES! by forbidden-colour.
400 points, ended August 10, 112 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes! by Midnite-Rae.
700 points, ended August 5, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is pretty good, This is a interesting concept and your iminaginary is great I like this. your tears are demolished by the cotton throw yes it absorbs the tears. Thank you for sharing I enjoyed this
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I loved the imagery in this. I could really feel all the emotion in this as well. This was really sad. I don't know what happened, but I hope things get better or gets easier. The poem flowed well. I enjoyed reading this. You did a wonderful job. Thanks for entering and Good luck in my contest.
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This is a really good write I am surprise you don't have a trophy yet good luck in the contest,. Thank you for sharing and it is very much a pleasure to read your write.
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Very simple imagery but an interesting concept.
Thank you for entering.
Sophie
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Simple, yet beautifully written. I love how the last line is a near-rhyme. It makes the reader think a lot more about the poem and remember it later on. Great write!
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This is a very good poem.
I love how simple it was; yet filled with emotion.
You are talented; and this write was super good.
thank you for entering.
You're added to my finalist list.
Good luck darling. -
Nice :)
This is a good start. I like the part "My white pillows, so bland and plain, have now become a bed of clouds." Beautiful.
You might want to rephrase/change the line that says "why she had to hit her head." It sounds a little awkward and out of place.
Good job!
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'They are demolished by the cotton throw.'
wow I really like this ending line.
thanks for entering.
good luck
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