I'm the slave of the person in the portrait
But everyone understands
I cut it into pictures
I place a piece in every room
every image of this person that can ever be imagined
is covered with my greedy fingerprints
I dig out my soul
replace it with the painting
And I dreamed up some organs
I could make fiction have walking legs
Im a surgeon working
I don't care if it grows up
With a beer bottle lodged in its throat
Or if it rolls up my brain so it could smoke
I need it to be real
so I have a dream to hold
Cause I'm a dream gone wrong
from someones who's lost
Nightmares are dreams that are angry
Nightmares are dreams that like to tell the truth
And this time I've perfected how to use medical tools
I'm going to fuse my dreams with reality
I'm going to live my life though I'm asleep
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A contest entry
- I'm lonely. by Horrific Hollis.
1600 points, ended August 29, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING by Dryad Enya.
630 points, ended August 22, 205 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Quickie by Beautiful-N-Broken.
400 points, ended August 22, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Need To Read by poets whisper.
900 points, ended September 14, 92 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Nightmares are dreams that are angry
Nightmares are dreams that like to tell the truth
And this time I've perfected how to use medical tools
I'm going to fuse my dreams with reality
I'm going to live my life though I'm asleep
fusing dreams with reality is a frightening concept. I was awake most of last night because of nightmares ... I was afraid to go back to sleep! -
This is an interesting concept and I like its orginality as too many poems focus on the same subjects. I found this suitably disturbing and the imagery particularly appropriate.
The line but everyone understands is oddly placed and probably needs revision. I agree that the disjointed nature of the poem is reflective of the protagonists state of mind, but in some places it is too disjointed.
Good job though!
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bold imagery.....very clawing!
I really enjoy this one a lot!
you precisely wrote as a devious surgeon
that's for damn sure!
way to write!
ears/Seattle
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Very good. Helps us to see what is inside of you. Strongly written. Love the imagery!
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wow! this was creepy and kinda pityful all in one. the absence of flow in your poem brings deepth into the desturbed character. great and interesting write. keep penning xxx
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Wow! This is brilliant metaphor? Loved this part...
I dig out my soul
replace it with the painting
And I dreamed up some organs
I could make fiction have walking legs
Im a surgeon working
My I ask what the instigator of this piece may be?
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Wow! Very interesting write. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you so much for sharing. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
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This... is amazing. I love it. I love the idea. I love the imagery. I love the fact it can be taken in so many different things. This is just insanely great. =]
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Nice write and good luck in the contest with this.
As for this line:
"Nightmares are dreams that like to tell the truth"
I hope not.
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Very good piece, it was an interesting read.
Really good imagery here, and nice flow.
Creative job, I like the concept here.
Bravo
♥ Kate -
Great!!(:
I loved almost everything about this poem. My favorite part was 'Or if it rolls up my brain so it could smoke' it definitely gave me a good laugh (: the only thing I would change is the last stanza:/ kinda ruined the poem. I agree with tINwoDAtruth7. Good job though! -
different
i sense an identity crisis in this poem...to whom should i identify the surgeon in you or the portrait from the wall....it's divided into many pieces....it's subtle....but, a good read nonetheless.....
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Dude nice job,loved the line "Or if it rolls up my brain so it could smoke" hilarious. Did not like the ending tho, it kinda killed it for me srry.
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WoW this is very different intresting very captivating~
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perfectly insane take on a form of doctor frankenstein! Bravo!
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amazing job
Loved it
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Interesting
Darl and curious . Does make one seek a deeper meaning. This surgeon of guts and gore. It seems to be a nightmare come a desire. Well Poe may be proud of you young poet. Happy writing.
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seems gore, but it's amazingly done.
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The word "drool" at the end of the poem, made me giggle, i must admit.
Thank you for entering. -
this is a truely amazing piece, awesome job with it
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I don't like to swear when I am writing, but 'Nightmares are dreams that like to tell the truth' - I fucking hope you're wrong.
Very good poem. Well written, and powerful enough for me to say it's powerful enough.
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Hmm. Interesting and dark. Not sure what you were trying to incite with this poem, but it was decent. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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The poem of a twisted mind. I read the contest entry and the poem really took off for me then, nice use of the nuances of poetry, interesting images,enjoyed
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This is excellent!
You did a remarkable job with this. I love the imagination here.
I dig out my soul
replace it with the painting
And I dreamed up some organs
I could make fiction have walking legs
Im a surgeon working
Superb! Best of luck in the contest
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The operation was a success!
great metaphor and title selection. thanks for sharing
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When I first read it I thought that it was based on some twisted thought
but after reading it again it is quite deep and thought provoking.
The substance of a great write.
Well done
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i've never read anything quite like this, but I find that I really enjoyed it,
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Very Fascinating Take...
I found this to be a very fascinating trip into the twisted world of a very creative mind. Did you know that the highest percentage of suicides are commited among Physicians (of all areas, surgeons, medical emergency staff, nurses, cardiologists, dental professionals, etc.) and Psychiatrists? Something to think about, huh? I loved the imagery in this piece. The formation of a background that seems to hold some insanity, and yet forms a sane statment about the state the human mind can be in at any given time. Oh, my.. Am I just reading way to much into this piece or what? Wow. Anyways, well done and much good luck in the contests. I was sincerely drawn totally into this piece.
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Its Interesting. G'luck in the contests.
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Not sure what exactly this is about but it definately has me thinking; a very interesting piece that has a tendancy to send both chills and sadness through the reader.
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LOVE IT!
This poem shows the dark side of a surgeon and lots of regrets. I love the beginning and well, all of it!! Please keep writing. You inspire me!
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i liked this. i can tell this was based off of a nightmare of some sort. i liked this piece alot.
WOW! it was awesome! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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