living without love
is like being in a void
complete in death’s throes
time passes slowly
in its joyless expression
laughter flees its’ path
gloom in emptiness
seeks its’ fill in tearful bouts
cheerful light dispels
Author notes
1 Cor 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. {thought: or, reasoned} {put away: Gr. vanish away}
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. {darkly: Gr. in a riddle}
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. Charity: Strong's Greek Concordance: 26. from 25; love, i.e. affection or benevolence; specially (plural) a love-feast:--(feast of) charity(-ably), dear, love.
A contest entry
- Senyru Chain by piccola.
400 points, ended July 26, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How'm I doin'?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Not that it matters but I took the classes here on AP and only go by what I learned there and by googling. Everyone seems to feel differently so I don't know. sigh
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Nicely done. Thank you for entering. I just told another entrant that the middle line needs to be able to stand alone ... what do you think?
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When I first started
to learn about Haiku/Senryu I was told that lines 1 & 2 should flow into each other & that line 3 should stand alone as a contrast or aha moment.
I don't think we're all reading the same sources for the form 'rules' which are in major morph now anyway. It's hard to know unless the host specifies the form & rules what they're looking for. If someone says 'Trad' I pretty much assume we're on the same page with what that means. It all up for grabs if it's not spelled out. Thanks for the Bronze even though you seem to have a different understanding than I! 
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another wow
a most excellent senyru chain, I very much like the first stanza
living without love
is like being in a void
complete in death’s throes
Haiku on dear sister haiku on
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Thank you
so much dear! It's been one of those days...& it's nice to have some praise from a haijin like you! 
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Most poems should have words that everyone knows what they mean... like i don't know what
throes is
bouts is
or dispels is
so ill have to give you a thumbs down because of the hard words. I'm 15 and I've had and A in english all my life and those words i don't know have a clue what those words are. Also must sucessful poems are for kids all ages and rhyme. For your next peoms try using easier words to let your readers unerstand the meaning -
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LOL...
when I was your age I knew what all of these words meant. If you've an A in English, as I did also when in school...then you should be interested enough to take out your dictionary & learn some new words. These are not exceptional or difficult words at all. This is a Senryu written specifically for this Contest & is a 'Japanese' style form that's not supposed to rhyme. Perhaps as an A student of English you should also look into Haiku/Senryu form poetry. All the Best to you in your studies dear. 
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A well written senryu in perfect counting of syllables of 5-7-5 counts in each line to made it in a total of 17 syllables all in all plus, it tackles about feelings/emotions. You have made also nice juxtaposition of lines well connected verses. Simple amazing written opus, well worded.
Plus the input of the authors note.........superb one!!! -
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TY
for your read & compliments. I'm ever aiming at improving my Ku & love the challenge immensely.
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i understand this well. its how i have been for the last three months. and will continue for a while im sure. i appreciate your references to the bible though, especially the one about being like a child. if people would....remember...how to be like a child, this world would be a much better place.
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Hope you're
not without love long! The scripture isn't talking about being a child, but how the apostle once lived & spoke like a child & then left those childish ways to become a mature man in The Christ. We as believers are to be like children but not childish. Childlike innocence with Christ like maturity is the goal. Thanks for finding this, your read & comment! Blessings...
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Oh!!
K I love it
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I loved the use of similes and metaphors! I think there could've been a better ending. or maybe I just didn't understand it? But overall I liked it!
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LOL...
The last line counters the first in that stanza & the host wanted a surprise ending! Thanks for your read & comment!
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