Today
should be
the best day of my life.
I’m having twins today.
But I have to them give up.
How can I bear to give them up?
They wheel me into the room
Where dreams are made.
The harsh lights
Unforgiving.
As if the glare is cursing me.
The mood is solemn
They all know
that I can’t keep my sons.
And they seek to comfort me
As the doctor makes the cut
That will sever the cord
And my heart.
I want to pray
To curse
To die
Oh God how do I let them go?
I felt them move
Watched them grow
on ultrasounds
and in my dreams.
How do I mend my heart?
How do I go on? With life?
They hand them to me
One by one.
To say goodbye.
I count their fingers
Toes.
Touch their cheeks
Marvel at
their perfect marble faces
Caress their hair.
Tiny little boys
Who will never:
Nurse at my breast.
Tug at my hand.
Smile into my eyes.
Too soon they come
To take them away
And my arms ache
My womb aches
My soul aches
How do I go on?
How do I face the coming days?
Family, friends,
strangers on the street
with their happy families?
Shattered dreams?
Two tiny coffins?
Two empty beds?
Too much time?
And a heart
that will never forget…
Author notes
Written for Ann on the loss of her sons ~ Born sleeping @ 33 weeks gestation:
I wrote this for a woman on an infertility BB I've been on for several years. She went in for an US (she was having them every 2-3 day) and found that her twin boys no longer had heartbeats. Sadly I have written too many of these for woman who have battled infertility. But then even 1 would be too many. Knowing how hard a loss is even very early in a pregnancy, I can only imagine how hard it would be when you expect to bringing babies home within a few weeks.
I am looking for critical feedback on this. I'll admit I was so emotional writing it that I could not proof it. I don't even know if it's any good. Thank you for reading.
A contest entry
- Send me away with emotion by Fallen-Thumper.
500 points, ended July 10, 72 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is beautiful! I cannot imagine the pain. You have very eloquently portrayed a very emotional time for this woman! Touched my heart!
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This is amazing and so much pain and emotion, i am crying and really emotional. This is a great write and soory that these things happen. A extraudinary but sad piece. Amazing!
Good luck and thanks for entering!
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