Crackle Crackle goes the deep blue sky.
Drip Drop goes thousands of rain drops,
Warm skin meeting cool moisturised wind.
A combination that clears my head of everything.
One. Two. Three. Four.
This many close friends ran out the impending exit door.
Not for joking fun, but forever under the bright yellow sun.
Many long years we had endured and past,
Always and forever, you said it would last,
That we would have a continuous blast.
But nay. Our plans died in a crash.
Miles and miles we walked,
were for hours and hours we talked.
This and that, here and there,
who we loved, and why we care.
Blood for blood was our thought of mind,
If anyone dared to touch a precious friend of mine,
soon they would definitely find,
that the dark hell was but a few meters behind.
So many broken hearts over a prolonged time,
with each and every part, dying with a cry.
There i was, side by side,
ready with first aid in hand, not letting it die,
forcing it to completely revive.
Through and through,
I stuck with my friends no matter the dues,
With this new change of mind,
my heart screams past all ears and human minds,
crumbling into gray dust, i hold onto a tiny sliver as a must,
My heart being as closed as it was,
No longer has a key to open its doors,
My mind no longer allowing friends to come on board,
For it no longer has a draw to bring them forward.
Drop, Drop, Drop,
Clear water falls down my cheek,
down my chin, off the corner of my jaw.
Was it a tear or rain drop?
Blurry Vision confesses its crime,
The rain came just in time...
Author notes
This one hurt a lot to write...
I have a audio reocrding for this. Go here: http://tehemoninja.co.cc/poems/losingblue.html
A contest entry
- ..Memories.. by Antebellum.
550 points, ended July 14, 48 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What are your thoughts?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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beautifully done. my favorite part had to be the ending...
"Drop, Drop, Drop,
Clear water falls down my cheek,
down my chin, off the corner of my jaw.
Was it a tear or rain drop?
Blurry Vision confesses its crime,
The rain came just in time..." that one brought it together amazingly.
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hmmphh
that was aaaaa maaazingg!! soo dark and insightful, and mesmerizing!! i love it, i want to write something like that....
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wow, this is one of the best i have read for awhile. its full of great insight to your feelings.
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WOW well you might not feel amazing but this was defiantly AMAZING
"This and that, here and there,
who we loved, and why we care."
that's prolly the best line in the whole piece BRILLIANT!
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Great job. I wouldn't change a thing. Seriously. I loved every part of it, especially the part where you were asking yourself whether it was rain or tears on your cheeks. Seriously. It kept my attention the whole effing time, and I really feel you when your mind was no longer open to your friends..I've been there, having been a loner myself my entire life, in esscence. Great job and it's truly an inspirational work. Keep the ink flowing!
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'One. Two. Three. Four.
This many close friends ran out the impending exit door.
Not for joking fun, but forever under the bright yellow sun.
Many long years we had endured and past,
Always and forever, you said it would last,
That we would have a continuous blast.
But nay. Our plans died in a crash.'
wow this is absoultly stunning.
thanks so much for entering this.
good luck.
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.... you remind me of another poet i read on this site, she is loved much yet the pain from her memories tourment her to no end
and i felt that emotion in this poem very good, and i hope you do well in the contest my friend
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10/10
9/10
Deep, painful emotions communicated well. Excellent job. -
it is beautiful!! great job! 10/10 for every thing
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Very good write from the heart
You will fin through the years a your journey takes you on this roller coaster of life that if you become lost in any way a true friend would never walk away . Often we think just because we are all present when everything is good we are friends but untill something happens and you need real friends do you find out where you stand . Growing up is the toughest thing anyone has to acomplish in life .You can fight it and lock yourself away and miss out on such wonders in life because of one person or you can rise above it and show them what they left behind .But never hurt yourself thinkigng it will hurt others for dont you see for them to leave you when you are in such need they werent friends of the heart for friends of the heart would stand beside you no matter what
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great poem your emotion flowed in this. sad but i felt every moment in it
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A painfully written experience
And a very deep poem.......if it hurt to write this then I feel sad for you............
the best of luck to you, now and always your friend, Fran.
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there is so much emotion in the words..you can tell that you were in pain writing this. i love the way you write, just how descriptive and deep everything is..wonderful job. stay strong!
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yeah i can feel your pain just by
reading this poem. its good i don't see
no flaws.
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One can tell of the difficulty you had in writing this. It is so full of emotion.
It is hard to trust again when you have been betrayed. It takes time and some very sincere people.
I don't see how you can revise something that is written so well.
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Thats really good....i luv it. <3 its kinda sketchy because i was listehning to 1234, when i read the line 1234. haha, thats weird...
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lots of pain
i can feel the pain in this but the loyalty is a driving fact here. Did you recently have a friend betray you? this is the feeling i get from this piece. i'm not quite certain of your exact meaning behind it but i like the raw emotion that is obvious in it.
Now you owe me a read
Go read my newest "Dreams of Love"
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