immensity, intrinsic intensity,
shadowed threat in a nimbus of light
whats right?
war waged inside, blushing bride
cant turn love aside.
wrath and passion mingled on the lips of god
surrender, awed.
impossible, maidens blood shed
body and soul bled.
element of life washes away the vestiges of fear
so clear
oh dear.
deliciously lost, barriers crossed
... reality tossed.
breath relentlessly stolen
i am beholden.
smothered, wrapped warm,
raging maelstrom ... storm.
locked, pulled taught on a single burning point
let fire annoint.
blazing sign, grand design.
"mine."
when watching angels sleep, time tends to creep...
on a sudden stroke, reality broke,
gasping, breath gone, given a choice
life chosen in a whisper, without rejoice.
damp cheeks and hollow eyes
... destiny realised.
silence blooms in the space between
gods and mortals dont convene.
unseen.
bereft, reeling, eyes closed, count of three sealing...
... unfeeling.
time wears inexorably on, even for the autonomiton.
life paled, grey, all extremes gone.
not half bad, nor good... not anything
except in the dead of night when demons cling.
whispers rasp while murmurs bite,
memories claw, on through the night.
pour it on top, and lock the door,
do ignore the muck and gore
... worse things are stored in the core of this -
whore.
Author notes
recently written poem im happy enough with to share.
thank you for reading, all comments are appreciated and returned.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Your rhyme was quite different in this. It didn't seem to fit into a rhythm--sometimes internal, sometimes end rhyme sometimes pairs and other times triplets and even quad. I am reminded of rap lyrics. It was all rather dark and matter of fact--strong even. I don't think there are any regrets in this. The voice is almost proud, which may be another reason I think of rap when I read this. I hope you break out of your creative block. It's been five months since this was posted and it is your latest?
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That was great! it was a bit stop and start for me I'm use to going right to left. i have not seen this style before. but i liked it
and this line "worse things are stored in the core of this -
whore.
LOL wow what a way to end a line good job!
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you've covered a lot of ground and sensations. i'm still at the bus station. on one level it sounds like an elevated rap song without the violence and greed and badmouthing.
i like a number of the word associations.
these are a few: this one the most most:"silence blooms in the space between".
"whispers rasp", "memories claw".
"pour it on top" i find very playful word play.
i would title it, if only so it doesn't suggest it's not completed.
How about "Totally Insightfully Incredulously Remarkable". A bit long?
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And you say you have a problem with endings. LMFAO! This was excellant. Very stream of thought! I liked it!
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hmmm, that ending i agonized over longer than any other part. its often that way, i just couldnt get it to come out how i needed or wanted it to, if that makes any sense. heh, some of my others are far worse though, cringeworthy even!
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Cringworthy eh? Wow, now that just sounds BAD! LMFAO. I love that word though!
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I love it...
Oh the struggle and the passion, from the loss of virginity to the Angel's fall from grace as he slept and, no doubt, dreamed of you in your silent and blissful hell. Invoking the trinity he gladly renounces his divinity in silent prayer and joins the ranks of the great unwashed - these words moved me, inspired me and captured me completely. I felt caught in the moment as if I were right there with you - very vivid, very well done...
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