With a tight black t-shirt,
Marlboros rolled in the sleeve,
whiskeyed eyes shot flames
at the eyes of tits
that bounced to your rhythms.
I watched your muscles flex
as you struck the heads with sticks,
as the fire red of your drums
became my favorite color.
I admired you, dad...
"Hit that tire swing boy!
What, are you afraid it'll hit you back?"
Hour after hour you made me practice,
feet rooted to the spot,
until I pictured your face at the end of my bat.
Five years old and crying,
silently frustrated,
I swung at my imagination
with everything I had.
"That's the way you DO IT!" you said.
And therefore I was proud
to sacrifice what I wanted
so you could live through me.
I read you my poems
and showed you my spelling tests...
"That's nice son... wanna play some ball?"
My blue ribbons for poetry meant nothing...
art, nothing...
music, nothing...
dancing, nothing...
I was the pitcher to you.
The possibility of greatness,
a chip off the old coke snorting block.
But after nine seasons,
I just didn't want to play anymore.
"You never finish anything, son..."
at this point,
looking back,
the anger grips me...
Cause you married that crack whore
and drove my sister away...
and pushed my mother to the point of death
and insanity....
and made me ashamed of my talents....
all the while with a bottle of black jack
swinging from your arrogant lips.
Comments
-
Reading this has left me without words...this was an amazing read. I felt the emotion in it and related to it all too well.
-
Stunning, man. Extraordinarily spectacular.
-
shit. this was so good.
wow, im actually in shock at how good this is.
-
.
-
you hold power in these words...many, including myself can relate to. No one can judge you except God and of course yourself. It breaks my heart to think of the many many children that are disconnected from their family because of drugs and or alcohol...or sadly both. I myself have indulged but managed to raise my 3 girls to be productive people of soceity, now with children of their own...anyway I am rambling
You have a focus and what you do is write and you do it well poet
great imagery here in this poem as well as emotion and when you can combine those and keep your focus...well the end result is great poetry...well done
and 
like no one's watching
-
Wow this was brutel honesty poured out. Sad part is i can relate in many ways my dad ignored me growing up because of his illness (drinking) beat my mother but now he is a recovered acholic...a good man now.
Another veiw that really hit my heart is i have 3 sons and nothing was ever good enough for my ex. Nothing they did pleased him drugs pleased him..i am no ones judge cause i once did drugs myself. The sad part is i can see my youngest he is 13 saying these words later in life. His anger is there for emotional desertion of his father.
I have another name on here it's Beautifulflame, some of my work like this is there.
If you ever want to read.
It is therpy for me or was...or still is..lol
s
~Lisa~
-
this is very powerful and so heartbreaking.
-
wonderful
My dear son a most wonderful. write keep well
-
I'm feelin' this.
Very inspirational.
~Matt
-
A bit off
It is my nature to look at things in some way different from the majority view...but here goes.
Could the writer, as an exercise if you wish, write something from the father's point of view? Why did he become the man that he did? What things had influenced him? Did he have a choice?
The first Greek play-wright, Aeschylus, wrote a play from the point of view of the Persians who had ravaged Greece, and agaist whom he had fought, 400 years BC. It might be much more cathartic to do the same thing. My view.
-
-
That's an interesting idea, and I'll consider that, thanks.
-
-
A very outstanding piece you have penned. It holds so much meaning.. and it holds a sadness to it. Almost bitter. I loved the imagery, very crisp and vivid. Well done.
-
Such a heartbreaking poem! Too many parents just don't see what brilliance they have within their child. They try too hard to make something out of them instead of listening and watching to see what will grow, what will develope. You found your talent years ago and it has become your soul!!! This is awsome!!! You are awsome!~Lurie
-
Ahhh...No words, Sweetie. Just this: & spots on your favorite lists. I hear ya, loud & clear.
-
this is sad.
but very alluring.
i like it alot. -
gripping...
even in all this letting out it seems like you just cant bring yourself to say the worst something just wont let you give into it
very sad and heart pulling but one good write...
-
I very much enjoyed reading your poem it seems to read nicely and convey exactly what you were hoping to get across. Nice work.
-
This poem is remarkable. Between the word choice and the feelings expressed it is a miracle that you managed to write something like this. You've got an amazing talent for writing, please dont stop!
-
This is a very strong and powerful poem, it reminds me a bit of the song Cats in the cradle. What I admire most about your poem is the format and the wordchoice because it helps express how you really feel about your dad. Every son/daughter feels like the must make their parents proud, but parents should be proud of other abilities besides sports and grades. That line above about the dancing, art, and poetry, really struck me. This is really good. It is great how you say you admired your father and also great though that you included more, harder things because often parent subjected poems are either really mean/sad, or really hallmark like and happy, which neither of those are life. I think you did an excellent job~
-
that si one very very strong and sad poem!conveys some really good emotions!you do both the emotions of a young child and a young man very well,good work!
-
This poem starts off very strongly, with vivid, unexpected, and fresh language, and that is something to be proud of. Having said that, the piece isn't consistent, the beginning is strong, yes, but by the time you get to the fourth stanza, your tone has shifted from an elevated poetic voice to a much more conversation tone, and I'm not so certain why, or that it is a good change.
Another distinction to make between different parts of the poem is one of show vs. tell. Again, the first stanza is an excellent example of characterization given, but given subtly. The last two lines as well, but in the middle there are a number of places where you simply tell us what is happening, weakening the whole:
"And therefore I was proud"
"I read you my poems
and showed you my spelling tests..."
"I admired you, dad..."
Look out here for your verbs, as I think picking interesting and active ones will help you with a lot of these places that don't quite move as well. For example, you begin the second stanza with "I watched." These two words serve little purpose in the poem; if you read the line without them, the meaning would close enough to identical, but without the distraction of putting a pane of glass between the reader and the piece. "Became" at the end of that stanza could also be a stronger verb, maybe something like "Bloomed into" but that's more minor.
I wonder what place the second to last stanza has in the piece at all. It seems to be motivated by anger, of course, related to the subject, but it moves the reader away from what I see as subject, the relationship between the speaker and the speaker's father, more toward just the father.
Goodluck, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask -
I feel you on this one.
-
this is wonderfull and powerfull. the anger is raw and i can feel it
wonderful write -
this is incredible on so many levels. It sort of reminds me of my step-father only he never even encouraged me to do anything. He thought was just excess baggage. This is powerful and I really do relate to it. I may not have been as young as you were during this but it still hurts to be bullied and treated like crap by a parent. Every child wants their parents to love and encourage them even if they don't live up to their expectations. Whoa...this is a long comment. ^^ Great job.
-
-
Thanks. You have a really cool screen name.
-
-
Wow, this is raw and powerful and angry—absolutely seething with emotion. It pulled me in from the first line, and painted a thousand words of hurt. You've done a wonderful job whittling down a tough subject into a few memories and cutting words. Kids want to be loved and accepted, and it's amazing what we'll do in order to garner that love. Excellent job, and thank you for sharing.
-
Dad
l like your poem and i feel about you because my father when I was just 5
i miss for my father so much i see the life is dark without him??
-
Saddening, but very relational to me. Poetry was a waste of time in my fathers eyes. Awesome, I got accepted to ivy league schools, got nominated for rhodes scholar, and? None of it matters if he cant love me for me. Very touching.
x -
I. Iove. this.
it's amazing, so well written and seemless
great work
x
-
.
-
It's about father-son relationship...At some point son realize that he doesn't want to play Daddy’s games anymore...
Grown up son have seen father's mistakes and doesn't want repeat them...
The next generation will be smarter then previous as well.
Full of rage...misunderstood...ashamed of the talents...
This is the image of the narrator.
I almost don't remember my dad. He died when I was just 5.
I can recall something big, warm and loving that embrace my little body in his strong hands...
I loved the poem. I found nice imagery here. It brings memories to the mind.
-
-
touching and honest comment. Thank you.
-
-
Powerful piece here, full of emotion and imagery. I can see why this poem has netted so many comments and applause. I'll gladly add mine...
-
WOW
To be honest this poem kinda reminds me of my dad lol
perfetic and no care in the world for his kids,
I thought the poem was brilliant, read the first 2 lines and wanted to read more,
good write,
x
-
Third time reading and kind of bored with it now... not to be afterwarding others who haven't read it guess i might avoid this one for a while now... maybe if you would post something new?
-
-
lol.... so wait a sec... did you click this three times from featureds? anyway, thanks for reading it 3 times, regardless, I would be bored too, I'm sure. I've posted 7 pieces of work since this one, and you can feel free to link to my page if you'd like to read them.
-
-
Speechless.
That was amazing. Im sorry about your dad. but your an amazing writer. -
Wow
I'm sorry your father wasn't the man you thought he was or could be. I know well the disappointments of a father who wants what he wants and nothing more. I hope things get better for you. Things will get better! God Bless.
*~*Night Mistress 1*~*
-
You know I hate to leave long ass comments but I like when you write like this. Very honest from within. The good stuff comes from within.
-
this is a sad poem, it seems as if your Dad was mean to you, I appreciate you sharing this with us, it might even help someone who is going through what you have been through, thanks for this write, I enjoyed reading it
-
My dad skipped out early, so I never had the chance to experience anything like this, specifically -- but your writing makes it scarily easy to relate.
You know, I've got a theory.. we can wish all we want for our past to have never happened, or for things to have turned out differently, but then there would be no poetry. At least none worth reading. & that would be a sad day if there were no pieces as good as this one.
kickass, as always.
-
Man no shit huh.. I hear a lot of.. we had the same dad...Everyone can idenitfy with this piece(unless they had a robot for a father) They seem to create new ways for us to be dissapointments..I thought on it one day.. I think (well in my case) My father saw so much of himself in me that it sort of made him wrinkle his nose at me. He grew out of it, though it took longer for me to stop growling at him over our families past. Wonderful piece.. but you knew that.
xo
Cyb
-
my father did the best he could for us but we were always fearful and walking on eggshells. i still feel the anxiety of childhood today.
you have such a wonderful way of drawing the reader in. i can feel your anger building in every line. a very powerful and emotional poem xx
-
Wow tis intense and deep
I know the pain my friend
same shit different smell
Let it out....
many faces.. many masks
but only one of them are true
be who are for we only live one life
if it is for someone else we loose ourselves...
once lost it is ever so hard to come back
Excellent poem
takes guts to express deapth
you have yeilded it well
Thanks for the share
Darky
-
very strong emotions driving this poem - whether real or imagined, you presented a picture of alienation and failure of communication, a very modern look at family dynamics. well done.
-
woa...dude, this is...amazing...it's so powerful! I'm really sorry if this is true though...but this is a great poem! you really have talent!
Alicia Lynn and Sophie Lynn
-
SKILLED....EMOTION....\
This is AWESOME.
Many can relate to the way parents have treated them in the past, you've rode that wave and in the end...Won. You are an amazing poet.
Love
Candi
-
bare bones man. right to the core.
no need to tell me, but if it is autobiographical, hope by writing you exorcise some of it. if it is observational, i have seen some of this myself. -
nice
ye a dad can have that afect on a son i hate my old man he was just a sad drunk -
this is a great peice it shows strong emotion,anger,hate the most apparent.it also gives a accurate description on what life can be like for some people.
-
angry and bitter but i like that you haven't listed reasons why you dislike your father, your inclusion of events give this a certain time zone which makes the ending more meaning.
-
This poem is really doing well on the popular list and I certainly can see why. The emotion you have spilled here is beyond words yet you still managed to do it with amazing skill.
Love,
Amera♥
-
I understand what your feeling. I'm glad you could write out your feelings for your father. I hope this poem gave you a little peace. I hope I could do the same. Good write. Wonderful Job.
-
this is the 2nd "dad" poem I read tonight, and both touched me immensely. what is it with dads that they can't seem to make good memories with and for their children, especially their sons. i feel the pride and the love here, the eagerness to show him what his son had achieved, the hand reaching out...and yes, also the anger and the sadness. one of those poems that stays in the eyes....poignant, and so beautifully expressed.
~ Nicolette
-
This is a very powerful piece here. I could feel the anger. Sounds like you got treated pretty bad. Anyways, I enjoyed the read!!!
-
I had no idea you were Barry's son (I write the sons that make the whole world sing...)
Really tho, What the chick with the cannon said...
It is good you have come to the place where you have stolen his power over you, and become your own person. Please understand it was his deficits that made him unable to appreciate the wonderful gift you were...
and those deficits came from the wounds he received as a child. If you can see that child, you can have some compassion for the man he became. I doubt he ever revealed what happened to twist him into this caricature of a man... -
... this is... one of the saddest poems I have ever read... the pain and anger is very intense in this poem and I understand this feeling of hatred towards a father.. him never noticing your accomplishments, only hearing him put you done for not following through with his dreams a very good poem... something that i can relate to personaly
and another thing i loved was the intensity, that you portrayed and wrote, very powerful write and it really makes people think of themselves and everything they have experienced so far in thier lives
thanks for sharing -
Damn, this must have been something so hard to write, the objective of father's and sons was to always be there for them, least that's what the perfect story is. Real life is never quite that simple is it? You don't pull any punches here, the picture of this relationship is graphic and raw. I'm glad he didn't dissuade you from your poetry and art, the world is full of jocks, it's a fleeting career at best and parents live vicariously through them but art is a mystery that never stops teaching us things. It's something to hold and have your entire life. This moved me. C
-
verry strong stuff i really enjoyed the read take care
-
Riveting Piece
I can relate closely to this, same song different lyrics, but the results were the same. We actually became friends later in life, but only after I found my way back from hell. Good luck, great compilation of feelings, I got angry all over just reading this. People are what they are but if you look hard enough there is good in all of us.
Rick
-
There is so much raw, unbridled emotion written here that I am almost embarrassed to comment. Your words inflect from inside out. The scars we hold do not always show as surface sores. The internal wounds are hardest to heal. There are revelations here that I am certain were buried for some time. It is good to write the sentiments out so that you can release yourself from past pain. You dear poet, are an exceptional writer. Be proud of yourself no matter what.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
-
I really love this. I think it should be kept as it is. It's a very powerful poem. I had a very good visual the whole time reading this. This is my favorite part-
"I swung at my imagination
with everything I had."
Thank you for posting this, it's very good.
I had a similar situation with my substance abuse mother trying to live through me. A lot of people can relate to this.
---Caitlyn
-
Quite an image. quite a disturbing and drawn-out image. So much emotion in the small words and so much power in the slow moving stanzas. This was pretty awesome. It was very clear, very diliberate, amazing write.
-
Excellent!
This Is Really Good Homie...I've Been There Before!
-
amazing
brought a tear to my eye. i was in this same position once before but my role was the " perfect woman " thank you for sharing. it brought back memories. -
Damn Straight!!! Far too many parents attempt to live vicariously through their children...the alcoholic never realizes that they are training their child to be like them. It takes a great deal of strength to break free from the chains that some parents would place upon the child. I lived a childhood much like the one you have written of...I no longer have anger towards the sins committed against us by those who were our parents, they have passed and peace came slowly.
Peace
-
Speechless, but still
Everything has been said to applaude this wonderful work of art. All I can add is I think this is the most powerful write I've ever seen on this site. There are many wonderful writers but this is, by far, the deepest felt piece I have ever read. Take my hugs of compassion and my words of admiration and maybe they can help pass you you through this memory and into today................................where you are a most talented artist IN SPITE OF anyone.
Please never stop using your talent.
Sharon
-
dude. I don't know what to say. it's painful, and definately full of memories. This is REALLY good. I'm really impressed by the imagery of it all.
"all the while with a bottle of black jack
swinging from your arrogant lips."
That's fucking powerful, man.
-
wow
this is a great poem ...powerful..and well written....its never easy trying to do what our parents expect of us...the only thing we can do is live true to who we are....to bend to the will of others so aint the way to a happy life....what you have written here is for all who have lived this way.....control???.....im on the bus outa here!!! leaving you at the station!!
nice one
-
this hits home for me as well as many others. i was the oldest but a daughter instead of the desired son, so naturally everyone expected me to ACT like a son, take the role of an athelete, work with building, etc. but i was always a writer, and always very "girlie" i suppose, and i caught hell for it quite a bit, but more often than not i was ignored after they found out i refused to change and let them have their way about things. this is an exceptionally well written piece, and contains all of the emotions i have previously experienced. great job!(sorry for my rant. )
-
we must have the same father......
my old man used to knock me around while he told me i was just like my mother, i couldnt take a punch.
Shit he could have wrapped it all up by sending you to a catholic school....
my dad always thought i was a chump....but i showed him....
i did what i wanted and i make a nice living from it...
and i moved to the greatest city in the world New York....
a place where every one is a stranger unless ya make a name for yourself...
i send him articles of my succsess ...hailed in the the village voice...
the only time he made the paper was for being drunk and disorderly...
Living well is the best revenge brother....
this hit home...
Liam
-
holy shizzle.
this, compared to my immature ranting, is the most intense and heart gripping piece i've read yet.
thank you for sharing, and i hope you can come to peace about this.
well done sweetcheeks
♥ Dani
-
we had the same father, except mine took off somewhere down the line, then managed to find himself dead and decomposed, at the bottom of a canal in Florida.
it's people like my father-my crazy mama-and my nutcase brother push me to be-a BETTER MOM. cant take back what's already been done. and all that other plethora of well meaning side-line psychology. Love the poem, I dont like your father, he's not a nice person. dont ever be ashamed of who you are, but be who you are to spite him.
blah.
love,
jin
-
the brave poem echoes with soundings of an unseen world that tells us something deeper about what makes up a life and a poet. -silverfish
-
Hi white stone,
Your title 'Dad,' is painfully deceptive! This is more than a poem - it is a life story. It strikes me as a relationship of intense grief, hurt and emotional abandonment, with 'Dad' as a central figure.
I am impressed with the way you write transparently and with such raw honesty. I have no sense of maudling sentiment - you state it as it was for you. This lack of self-pity allows me the reader to see clearly both the man and the boy!
You also write with an incredible sense of immediacy which brings me in contact with the man and the boy, and the range of painful emotions experienced by both of you. Unfortunately it is 'Dad' who appears to dump his shit onto the boy, you, and the others around him!
Albert Camus, a biker philosopher, said there are only two invites in life:
1. Do we live life?
2. Do we choose to be creative in our living of this life?
You seem to do both admirably well!!
Kindness is sent your way,
Liveddog.
-
It is really good, I love the twist at the end.
-
nice...it is a side of life we don't see enough, the way people use love for selfish purposes and with children it is a profound experience, shaping and forming so much of they way the world is seen; I think that all-in-all, at some point we are glad for the things that made us...PK
-
pretty goodd
-
Marlboros - oh i love those ciggies though have not smoked one in yonks (and i never took you off the other day, i just never readded! - does it matter whether i have people in here on my friend's list?)
-
-
lol... I don't care if you have ME on your favs... I just don't want you to take yourself off my favs. I like to read your new stuff without having to search. Here, have a Marlboro...
-
-
This is very good. You did a very good job writing what you felt with this. You did an amazing job! You should never be ashamed of the things you can do... no one ever should be. no matter how embarassing it MIGHT be... keep up your amazing work
Twiztidmaggot -
Hell yeah, this is good. I was totally into it and in it. Gave me shivers under my skin, thanks for featuring.
-
Amazing
I am truly amazed that you dealt with all that yet are still here to write about it. This is one of the most powerful pieces of poetry on this site, I dont know what to say other then that. -
Wow, This was so emotional. I feel the venom you spit as you speak of him. In the beginning I can tell you admired him, loved him, possibly aspired to play the drums like him?
I'm sorry to hear that he thought of you as a cash crop for his addiction vs. a very talented son in the arts. Your talent is amazing, and the imagery you produced, I saw every stanza played out in my mind like a mini movie.
I feel your pain when you talk about your dad leaving & your Mom on the brink of insanity.
Amazing heartfelt write!
-Brea
-
Your true worth
spills onto the page
as you express your strength
vividly,
as you create art,
powerfully,
for now you know
who you are.
M-C
-
Awwww
i m sorry...... your heart is so transparent here,
Poet you are powerful and deep. and very much a Survivor!
blessings to you
Rend
-
This is touchy...many people out there share similar stories just the names of characters change...they say "Live Life....move on"....but how? Very nice!!!!!
-
This is very good packed with emotion.
-
Speechless
Your words express your pain eloquently, and I am sure many can identify with this after being in similar situations. I know how hard it is always seeking the approval of a family member, who can never be happy with what you achieve, they are driven by what they want you to achieve. Great write, keep writing
-
aww. such a horrific way to lose a father without death involved. i dont like people like that. a talent is a talent no matter what. he may have been an ass but at least you're still here. just keep that in mind when you write about a painful past. i liked the way you described the past with such a hatred that it leaves me breathless. i dont think anyone could compare this piece with any other poem. i like it, truly, i do. great job. keep it up. also dont let anyone bring you down. what you do is what you do. screw anyone that wants to mess it up.
Dax
-
wow.. I am out of words.. this seems to resonate of pain and sorrow, beautifully so.. amazing write
-
Powerful
I hope somehow that some of the harsh treatment you endured is relieved from writing this.
I feel for ya Brother, cause I have walked that road.
Joe
-
Haha, I guess it is all different when you actually grow up and look back... Though, is there any reason to look back? Good write, I feel the same way often as well.
-
I don't know what to say. You have woven so many powerful emotions into this write and they're all swirling around me...the pain, the anger and then there's the face of the little boy which I can see and know the look .
Heart wrenching.
-
wow
a truly great poem written with heart and soul...a great achievement given the subject matter....i dont think many of us could write so much about our dad within such an analytical framework...i feel that this your poem is completey objective.....and being able to write objectively without a subjective narrative overwhelming the poem is an admirable achievement......keep well my mate
-
and yes, I was speechless for a while, too...
-
Woah... I'd put this in your top ten...
I've seen it from both sides of the fence now... my father played pro ball and boxed professionally; my first baseball experience at five? One of his throws hitting me square in the forehead! lol "Do you want to continue, son?" "Sure, dad..." then as father... pushing my five year old son out onto the soccer field, and he picks a daisy and says, "Look, coach!" and the coach looks at him like, "wtf?" lol
anyway, top ten- everything comes together in this one... a triple bravo...
-
such intensity
such pain...and yet written so well....we are the poets and dreamers...let our dreams form from inked wells, and may our pen paint the picture of our words...be proud of the art you create!
-
I was here a bit ago and it brought back so many memories for me that I thought I had pushed aside.
I couldn't even comment because they hit me so hard that I just had to get up and walk away from the computer. My little girl chased me through the house asking me what was wrong and all I could do was hug her so she could not see my tears, I really did not wish to have to explain to her.
It has been quite awhile since I had thought along these lines and I actually had to look up to see just how long it had been. I could do that because I wrote a poem on that day to make it final. I will include the link for you so you will know I am not just giving you a fluff review here, I am being very serious here. Your poem really hit hard today. I hope this is not bio, but my gut says that it is, maybe because I have been there and the words just FEEL real. If it isn't bio, then it is a testament to your writing ability.
Suzi
P.S. - the link if you are interested:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2780158
Adding your comment:
