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My heart hurts

i. Silence was my forte,
hours expanded,
swelling up as corpses do in heat.
Minutes were endless,
extending as long as God would allow.

Each second a deadly strike
to my emotional health,
my mental stability slowly depleting.

I never thought I'd be forced to speak out.





ii. I was still afraid of the dark
but I condemned myself to it;
a bittersweet retribution.

I tossed and turned,
trapped in the nightmare that is my life.
Pain ripped through my being;
I am torn apart from the inside.

Sometimes the body rejects itself.





iii. I once questioned my ability to breathe,
now I know that no matter what I do,
I'll keep on breathing;
maybe God likes punishing me.

My mind wars with itself;
the emotional breakdown almost complete.
The tentacles of the dark sea of depression
seek me out, soak my clothing, pull me down.

In. Out.
It should be easy.
Ninety shallow breaths a minute;
the fear forces my heart into overdrive.

I don't think I'll ever eat again.






Author notes



Linked to my poem 9:25 - http://allpoetry.com/poem/4316035
There are references in this from that.

A contest entry

Constructive criticism is appreciated

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    This is a powerful bit of darkness here! I have been in this place, seen it's boney fingers reach to grasp me. Truely felt this. Great writing.


  • BrokenBeyondRepair
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    I seriously didnt think anybody would be so worried. Honestly, I didnt really think anybody cared s'much o.o;;;

    For what it's worth... I like the write ^^;;

    "Silence was my forte,
    hours expanded,
    swelling up as corpses do in heat.
    Minutes were endless,
    extending as long as God would allow."

    It show how you've felt about us just leaving. And now I feel like a jerk? -.-;;

    I know... I should have said something. Should have told you we wouldnt be on for a bit. I just didnt really have time. Though that's really no excuse. Im sorry about this. About worrying you so much -.-;;


  • thesefadingstars.
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    this is really brilliant.

    I don't think I'll ever eat again.

    --my favourite part.

    all the italicised parts of this, were, most probably, equally my favourite.

    this is just amazing. ♥


  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    "I don't think I'll ever eat again."
    -- only because it was forced down my neck before I left.



    Gah. They frustrate me...
    Regardless, I thought this was a good portray of words in this. The emotion was obvious which I think gave it a strong approach.

    Thank you for entering,
    I wish you the best of luck.
    Claire x


  • chilali
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    . Wow!


  • Cyanide Dreams
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    In my opinion, I think you should cut the cookies part out. This was truly dark and meaningful, and then the cookies thing kind of ruins it. Just my opinion though, don't shoot me This was really good. I loved the emotions in this and your imagery is superb. Great job and good luck in the contest.

    Josh

    • Noir mariposa...x gold member
      July 8
      Edit | Reply
      (look, she knows them too)


    • Merry Christmas
      July 8

      Edit | Reply
      I took it out. It wasn't originally there but I thought that I would add it, hoping it would work. Obviously it didn't. Thanks for your opinion

      And I can't shoot you, don't got my gun no more

1 - 10 of 10