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~Drift~

 

 

 

Thoughts swim through

my mind [ of him ] as if they

belong to another.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I watch them

one by one, like the rise and

swell of the tides, and like the sand

they gently covers.

　

 

 

 

 

I draw near

and speak of moon lit nights,

my lovers words rest gently

upon my breasts.

　

 

 

 

 

Consuming me,

for he has snipped my wings

of lovers flight, touched my soul

with his kiss.

　

 

 

 

Warm & nestled within

a dream just beyond my reach,

seeing his face   ‘Beautiful’

full of grace.

 

 

 

 

I drift off to sleep.

　

 

Author notes

please comment and i will return the favor,

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 81 of 81

  • Travis64
    November 15

    Edit | Reply
    Dreamy, like a soft caress that has touched my heart with the brushstrokes you have written. I thoroughly enjoy your writing style! Keep writing...more!

    ~Travis


  • Ani Grace
    November 14
    Edit | Reply
    Dream lovers are by far the best kind to have...a beautiful piece by a beautiful poetess.


  • MaggieWrites
    November 11
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely poem, thinking of your someone to relax you into sleep, beautiful


  • Andre ben-YEHU
    October 23

    Edit | Reply

    Bountiful, unique...


    Outstanding poetic voice singing love's emotions of mellifluous momemts. "~Drift~" is a poetic flower whose petals diffuse romantic spiritual scent.

    In respect and admiration,

    Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU




  • laura0757 gold member
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    and what after the previous read, I came upon drift........a gold........hmmmmm
    no wonder.............nice and so well deserving of your gold that you were presented here, you should be so proud of yourself..I hope you are.peace and love once again..


  • Misskaoz
    October 4

    Edit | Reply

    Romantic and Lonely at the same time

    First of, I really like the flow, than it seems you are alluding to a love you want, but can’t have and we all can relate to that. But you have gotten a kiss so maybe just missing your baby, I'm not sure what you wanted to say only that it was lovely and I enjoyed the ending the most, it was simple but sweet.


  • sinfull
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is a fabulous visual/sensual melody of poetic phrase. I really like the way you have personified thoughts, giving them texture and fluid motion. Very original
    in wording throughout. Impressive!


  • SabaSophiya
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! You have done a remarkable job in "painting" such a beautiful penning with the brushstrokes of vivacious imagery!! Way to go....


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    August 13
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful, and well deserved the gold, take care


  • Bianca Melody
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    simply beautiful.
    You have done an amazing job on this poem. it's appears so simple, in its form. but it is really quite an in depth poem. i adore the line; touched my soul with his kiss. beautiful.
    i would never change a thing.
    love
    bianca melody.
    x x x x x x


  • Night Terrors
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    That is so very beautiful! I am glad you have someone you can write such deep feelings about! I think that this is a wonderful love poem not only because it is so sweet but also because it is not cliche in the least! Way to make something completly your own there girl! I really did love this I had to go re read it. Such a great style and a very nice flow it sounded wonderful when I read this out loud to myself great job Have an excellent night!


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That was beautiful....It was soft, even though it felt like heartbreak. It made me think the most poetic way to die would be to just walk into the sea...
    Truly a stunning write. Best of luck in the contest.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • Pure Thought silver member
    August 12
    Edit | Reply
    UNderstandably GOLD... soft and beautiful the images you paint here.
    Well done.
    Buddy


  • alpPDCjr12
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent work, this definitely had me believing in the emotion in it...just one thing, in the second stanza there's a grammatical error. "I watch them one by one, like the rise and swell of the tides..." is fine, but then you add, "...and of the sand it gently covers." This clause can't be the subject of the verb "watch" because you don't watch "of" something. It's not clear what you're trying to say here; I think it would be best revised by changing the work "of" to "like," since it appears that is your meaning; your thoughts are like the tides and the shore. Also, it should read "they gently cover" not "it gently covers" since it is the tides (plural) that are covering the sand; this also holds metaphorically because you're describing more than one thought as well. Anyway nice job


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      August 12

      Edit | Reply
      lol, i so thank you so much yes, when i write, i guess i just pour without thought
      and thus gramical errors, my thanks abunch and i glad you know what i meant as i did think what you said, i shall make those changes asap,

      Blessings always

      Rend


  • Deceits Tears silver member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning write, so very soft and romantic, definately deserved the gold
    An honor to read


  • PoetrySmiles
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    A beautifully elusive dream, yet somewhere, so real...I love the way this is written...it reads peacefully, like the very words are a dream of their own. Hopefully this is a dream that will come true and stay true. Wonderful write, thank you so much for sharing!


  • My Chronos gold member
    August 12
    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful words but kind of sad...hopefully it doesn't have to always be a dream.


  • frownsnfreckles
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    A very beautiful expression of tender feelings for a loved one. I like the simplicity of form and the gentle images that float with the thoughts and emotions.


  • Dudas Drakaan
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    This truly is a beautiful poem, as the others before me said again and again. Something I have come to realize of late is that, after a time, even our greatest and most charished memories become little more than dreams.

    It is in such a memory, such a dream, that I find myself when I read this. For I remember being on the opposite end of this board, of feeling my lover in my arms and watching her as her eyes closed and she slowly fell asleep. This poem brings me back to this and the flush of emotions runs over me as I am suddenly reminded of what it felt like. And in the reminder that it is, now, but a dream, but a memory, that I am suddenly sobbered.

    Thank you for capturing such a beautiful thing, something I no longer feel I am capable. Masterfully done.


  • Sweet Water
    August 12

    Edit | Reply

    sweet & mysterious

    The beginning of this poem reminded me of the way I write. You used lots of language from elements of nature. You also used something I like to call spiritual metaphor, and I absolutely love these lines:

    "for he has snipped my wings
    of lovers flight, touched my soul"

    I like how you use these lines to say that he's taken away the wings that allow you to fly free through the game of love.
    This is a really, really sweet poem. And I also find it to be mysterious, the way you keep the reader thinking of what's happening in the poem, but you don't reveal too much.

    Overall this is a wonderful poem, thanks for the read!


  • Oh.My.Juliet
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Aww, this is so lovely. I love the beginning, really captured my attention, and the ending just sumed everything up.

    Thanks for sharing, have a good day!

    x

  • Eusebius
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    A soft, gentle and most romantical piece of verse. It could easily have been overdone, but you struck just the perfect tone here where more is less (which nearly always is true in poetry, but it is a very difficult thing to teach.) loved it!!!


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    Simply beautiful and a lovely dedication
    to the one that you love Rend. I am so
    glad that you won the gold for this one.
    Wonderful work as usual my friend and
    thanks for sharing it here! Take care!




    Jeremy0826


  • motel silver member
    July 21
    Edit | Reply

    very worthy of the gold ... what a beautiful view of a day's end.
    congrats and thank you.


  • tearrsofthemoon
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    This is really beautiful...I love it. it is like myself, I tend to think of so many things before I fall asleep, and I wish that I could capture them...but I never can. So sometimes, I think about certain things on purpose, before I go to sleep, in hopes, that I will dream about them. Congrats on the gold, it is well deserved, wonderful writing. Thanks for sharing.


  • AngelBellerose gold member
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    this is stunning I can see why the gold
    it is so beautiful.. well penned hugs♥


  • Glasyalabolas
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    This is very warm, subtle and dreamy, very beautiful.

    Though my fervent man-ishness says you shouldn't have mentioned your breasts, as that's all I'll be thinking about now!

    Though I digress (as I say, I'm a man...what can I say? ), that isn't the focus of the piece, very gentle and loving thoughts.

    Good write.


  • Xianaria gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    congrats on the gold!

    tim


  • Dragonbabyx3
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    this is amazingly written! the beauty of this, the thought that our dreams' reality is just beyond reach.... you have done an excellent job portraying this! great work!


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 17
      Edit | Reply
      you got it!!! i loved that you knew!! thank you so much
      for your clappys and comments

      Blessings

      Rend


  • awannabepoet
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    Rend,

    The words you put to the virtual canvas at times I simply need to sit back and cry you see they speak of beauty that which I shall never again see in this life time of mine.

    It is and always will be about sacrifice, even the dreams they tend to weigh down and then I see these words so filled with grace, that you could be the only one that would touch me so this I can not be certain yet rest assured I do love them so.

    Poems like thoughts that radiate and never look for a reason why it is so, just simply knowing they exist as all one needs.

    I like it, I like it so!


  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply

    Today's Featured Poem!!!

    This is very Gold worthy! Glad to see you won! I just adore your poetry, Rend...you captivate me with each line...you are a poetic goddess! I am featuring this for today's poem!!!

    Blessed Be,
    ~Raven/ Jeremy


  • DeJaBlue
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful write, soft and gently romantic.
    'touched my soul with his kiss'...
    (sigh)..kisses like that are amazing.
    Congrats on the gold shiny.


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful, just the kind of romantic story I was hoping for with this prompt, I could have gone on reading more of this forever. best to you in the contest


  • JamesHardy gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply

    Very Like a Dream From the First

    Like a sip of fine wine that lingers on your palette, you close your eyes, search and settle upon its nature, if I close my mind's eye, I feel from the beginning I'm in the dream, darting among several nuances of seeing, acting, and speaking; producing feelings of intense personal sensuality, surrender, and a graceful movement toward a resolution as the dream is ending.

    I would like to have heard you say, "...a dream within my reach, beautiful and full of grace." I don't feel you should have added, "I drift off to sleep." unless I misapprehend the dreamy feeling of the first four stanzas.

    Hope this helps!

    Jack


  • SteveS gold member
    July 11
    Edit | Reply
    You had me at breasts...lol. J.K. A very smooth, sensual write which really does read like a dreamy caress. The rising tide stanza feels like the breathing of emotion. I would hyphenate "moon lit" Very nice write. I'm sure all your readers have profound thanks for words like these.


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful.

    I enjoyed this. Makes me think of something. Why is it that when we dream and see ourselves in the dream like we are outside of the scene looking in, do we not always realize we are dreaming.

    I think your line breaks simply worked here.

    Be Well
    Mark


  • penman gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    What a beautiful write. So very touching with a soft and thoughtful touch to it. Best of luck in the contest.


  • poppa
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    wouldnt it be nice to be thought of this way, lucky man he is...
    beautifully soft, like being tucked in by angels...
    good luck in the contest


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      yes it is for some people, it is nice, and very nice of you
      to comment I so apreciate your thoughts,

      Blessings

      Rend


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    oh, sis, this is so blissful, elegantly written and full of peace and tranquility. what a serene visual you have portrayed.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for commenting,
      you are such a sweeties for that,
      Blessings

      Rend


  • Sandygram silver member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply

    So Lovely

    What a wonderful journey through the moonlight and dreamland. So beautiful and a delight to read. Hugs and Smiles dear niece. Take care, Aunt Sandy


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      Aunt Sandy,

      you are such a sweeties for coming
      by, and commenting

      blessings

      Rend


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    the title is perfect for your words...beautiful


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      my fellow poetess,

      i am blessed to have you come by and comment,.

      Blessings

      Rend


  • Away From the Sun
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful, sis!

    Ummm...I felt this, once upon a time (in a far away place, etc., etc...)

    Ah, well - sometimes it is just not meant to be.

    Lovely, my friend.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      Awww Sis, i have missed you so much!!
      thank you so much, for your support

      love you

      Rend

  • silverfish
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    good title. good stanzas, good lines. good poem. -silverfish


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      i am honored as always when you grace my page,
      for such a encouraging comment too,

      blessings

      Rend


  • sheltered
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    you should be ashamed
    writing smut like this
    but I liked it
    cause I'm a perv


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 8
      Edit | Reply
      i know huh!! lol
      but thank you for being the best influence, i have come across lately
      and thank you for your comments too,

      Blessings

      Rend


  • Camille Morin gold member
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    This is such an amazing poem, full of romantic imagery. Really a lovely work!
    Love,
    Camille


  • Xianaria gold member
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully done, I loved the imagery & gentle feelings within this write. Best wishes in the contest!

    Tim


  • awannabepoet
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    A tender heart, a loving soul these words do reflect what it is that I see in your words, the gentlest, kindest of intents not something to take so lightly.

    I like it, I like it so!


  • JohnnyD gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Rend, this is truly quite lovely and spellbinding pen.
    Indeed, it flows stanza by stanza like moon beams upon a calm sea.

    bravo!



    Len


  • Daizee silver member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Your poems are always so tender and gentle. I just wilt every time I read you


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      thank you my sweet friend,
      i am so blessed to have you
      as one of my friends

      blessing always

      R


  • white stone
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    A gently rolling tale of the all consuming nature of love here. Thoroughly enjoyed the perfection of your line breaks and pacing. Well done.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      White Stone,
      thank you so much my friend,
      always a pleasure,

      blessings

      Rend


  • Swangrnv gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply

    aaww..

    WOW..you don't play fair! this is so dreamy and full of romantic imagery..gosh, i'm feeling lightheaded..absolutely beautiful imagery my friend, i mean damn..this is it.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      Swan,

      you are a sweeties, for always showing me support
      i so appreciate you

      Rend


  • The Falls Sun
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    Good job

  • Bob Fox
    July 8

    Edit | Reply

    Poet

    Oh the pleasure of a wonderful vision before driftingoff into dream land. And the best yet to come. It is love and in being so the poet creates some magic moments.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      Bob,
      thank you so much for your comment. your support means allot to me
      my friend,

      Blessings

      Rend


  • Rose Angel gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Ah..you seem to be held as if a captive with clipped wings to someone very dear..perhaps a dream, perhaps he is someone elses "warm and nestled within a dream, just beyond my , seeing his face "Beautiful" full of grace...I drift off to sleep." As always we are enchanted with your words.....Best of luck in the contest , luv...Mom


  • Cannonsfire
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    Perfect for the prompt my friend C


  • Garmond gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is so fragrant and tender... it reveals a special softness of intimacy reserved for and created by a such a deep fondness or love for another soul.

    Your second stanza is stunning... I can feel the swell of the tide as I read it... gorgeous writing.

    A perfect title too Rend.


    • Rend the Veil gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply
      you are so helpful, thank you so much and for your comment too.

      Blessings

      Rend


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful imagery of thoughts
    that mirror the love, yet I also felt a tinge of sadness
    as if he belonged to another..
    best wishes hun and good luck in the contest

    Julie x

1 - 81 of 81