...Contemplating...
Deep in thought, if he stands, he might fall
Don't walk off the edge of the earth
...Contemplating...
Deep in thought, if he moves, he will fall
Don't lose your grip
...Contemplating...
Deep in thought, reality blocked out
The wrong move will end everything
...Contemplating...
So deep in thought, so close to falling
Don't lose your self
...Contemplating...
Author notes
This is based on the following prompt:
http://strany.deviantart.com/art/Reborn-128626407
A contest entry
- PIF q u i c k i e by Kathraina.
575 points, ended July 8, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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awesome take on the prompt. one filled with indecision and an indepth emotion of internal turmoil. well written.
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cristy
Thanks!
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Nicely written!
I really like what you've done with the prompt.
Bravo
♥ Kate -
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kate
Glad you like it. I've changed it a little, so please take another look at it & tell me if you like this structure better or the other one.
Thank you.
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i like the idea of this, but the ellipses in between each line kind of threw me -- they made it sound weaker to me, because every line was just trailing off. maybe just put them around the refrain of 'contemplating'? because I like the way this is going, I just think it needs a slightly different structure for the full effect. of course, it's up to you as the poet.
feel free to disregard me.
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aestival
I took your advice & changed it. Please let me know how it looks/sounds now. Thanks for the advice. & the comment. -
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yeah, I think it flows better now! you have some great lines & they stand out much more like this. imho.
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