Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Smokey Oboe





My heart has no room for bullshit
She fills me with joyful oranges

Zebra bumblebees clunk and they whirr
through my exhalations Starling dragsters careen treetops
Purpled crabapples jiggle chochins in night like daytime sunny rains

My heart has rooms vast already
endless depths gurgle
brimming

So O moon, violinist who sways So O sun, who howls in blue
be content with the ardor of meadows,
their fragrance of smiling kite tails,
the twine of birds and thick air braiding,
their innocence, their envy.


Brimming,
endless depths gurgle,
my heart has rooms vast already endlessly
depths I spring
from far beyond you

She fills me with joyful oranges













Author notes

chochin ... a japanese water lantern that floats on water and beams like crazy

anonymous contest


prompt:


“But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.”

from: Romeo and Juliet: Act 2, Scene 2
by William Shakespeare

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Night Hope gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply

    Cha-CHING. ♥



  • Allyce May gold member
    July 24

    Edit | Reply


    Allow me a moment to sit here and just bask in the sublimity of these words *reads poem again*

    I wish you'd add some more punctuation to this or break the lines differently so it reads more cohesively - I'm not a fan of the capitalizations just popping up; but omfg I so enjoyed this. I love it when I read something that's unlike anything I've ever read and turns other mundane BS 360 degrees on its head. The oranges and the zebra bumblebees are fantastic.

    Mass enjoyed and thanks for not only following my rules, but also for the unique application of them

    Mild profanity


  • Peteskid gold member
    July 11
    Edit | Reply
    this is simply cool, ...like Miles was cool...PK


  • Sonja
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, I agree with Swanee about this piece originality.Good luck!
    ~Sonja~


  • Concrete Angel silver member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Oh another fantastic, beautiful write brinning with overflowing emotion. I wish I had something witty and deep to say, but sometimes beauty just deserves to be revered in absolute silence. There is nothing I can say to this that hasn't already been said. Good luck in the contest!!

  • Night Hope gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply

    This is such a gloriously original response to the prompt. There are so many ripened images, so many sultry notes echoing their tonality throughout each & every line. Good luck in Allyce's contest.




  • simone waters
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    My, my, my- this is juicy word craft. How you manage to pack so much feeling into each word, each phrase, poet. In each phrase like technicolor cells I land in:

    "She fills me with joyful oranges..."

    "...Zebra bumblebees clunk and they whirr
    through my exhalations Starling dragsters careen treetops
    Purpled crabapples jiggle chochins in night like daytime sunny rains..."


    "...fragrance of smiling kite tails,
    the twine of birds and thick air braiding,
    their innocence, their envy..."

    wonderful, spirited pen...

  • Bad Bill
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    An inventive and delightful response to the Romeo and Juliet prompt. Your original way with words is shown at its best here.

    Good one,
    Bill


  • cybilseyes silver member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful work.. I can feel ripples of river water lapping softly at my feet as I watch the lights pass by!
    Cyb

1 - 10 of 10