Was it happenstance?
The mellifluous forest dance
That stirred my still blood?
Was it a witch's romance?
This pressing urge to take a chance
That drowned me in its flood?
Was it remembrance?
Was it a sword, a gun, a sharpened lance
That pierced my soul's mud?
None of these... 'twas the softest glance.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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"That stirred my still blood"...ah, I totally dig that.
It has been ages since I've seen a poem written like this, with the first two lines rhyming and then all third lines rhymed together. Kudos for doing it well.
My only conflicting preference is in the line "That pierced my soul's mud?" it fits the rhyme scheme, but the line feels kind of...unworthy of the others.
I had to grin and that last line...simply-stated and romantic.
Hey, congrats on getting married!
C
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Ive been loving poems with good flow lately and this one has it.. plus some depth too.. realll nice!
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such a magnificent approach to a single glance, one of my favorite words is happenstance,
and I am glad that i happened by this poem and was able to take a stance on it. So much can be encompassed in a single glance, two lifetimes can be melded as one as a result. Congrats on your upcoming wedding, "may you both live and love as long as you want, and may you never want as long as you live. ~~Artis
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Thank you so much. :-)
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hm, this is a good piece. Nice work writing it. Keep up your amazing work!!!
TwiztidMaggot -
Beautiful, wonderful, I loved every second of it. I especially loved the rhyme scheme and the last line-- "None of these... 'twas the softest glance." Another great point was, "my soul's mud." Never before have I heard someone say that. I felt the emotion throughout, and like someone else said, the word choice rocks. "Mellifluous" was genius, IMO. Great write!
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This is lovely! I don't think I've seen the word mellifluous used anywhere else (its one of my favorite words).
Nicely done- wasn't any great thing, but a soft glance-- I love it
K
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Dear me... So sorry about the rhyme scheme thing... I was at work and stressing because my job's been interesting lately. Sorry about that. Blahhh now I feel dumb.
Thanks just_mercedes for the comment! =) -
This is a cute little poem, though I did ask for a piece with no rhyming schemes.
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Nice - great flow and controlled rhyme - the final line is a neat resolution to the tensions of the questions.
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