there's no glory for
a girl in her creativity
frequent flogs and
frowns in disapproval
flown from fingers of experts
pointing piety
everyone knows
the rules are set like
sticks in quicksand to
consume the personality
replaced with
social acceptability
mixed well and labeled
original thought
damn our youth
to old ages filled with
more of the same
same wars
same prejudice
same old worn out
lame excuses to
keep mine and
take yours away
so i can have
more than enough
money makes the world go round
when i am bought and sold
into comfort's slavery
it's the practical madness
of want turned need
purchased in increments
of advertising or proper
pharmaceutical cocktails
man oh man
am i appropriate
in this strangle hold
of asphyxiation
cut from the same cardboard
that folded into
some social box
in prisons of
uppercase i
and disregard for you.
A contest entry
- Tell Me How This Works by Budart.
700 points, ended July 8, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - poets anonymous;; auditions. (prewrites) by etoile.
1175 points, ended August 18, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1039 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Reader interpretation and critical comment welcomed
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Interesting
I really liked this. The intertwining meaning between self and society is intense. Thanks for sharing.
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yes
the third stanza is brilliant. I thought you overused alliteration in the second stanza, but otherwise I really like the message you're sending out with this piece. -
yeyes
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yes.
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poets anonymous:
yes.
I don't like 'man oh man' though. I think you could word that line better.
please wait for the other judges to comment. -
Yes, Yes.
You skillfully hit the nails on their heads. Really like:"the rules are set like
sticks in quicksand" , and "when i am bought and sold
into comfort's slavery". You say it quietly but, hopefully, you'll give the nails a headache.
Clear thinking and writing.
G
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I liked this poem a lot more when I read it out loud comes off very passionately. However I am not sure I would have understood your intention without the authors notes. Thanks for your entry. Good luck.
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