The dust from the old gravel road snaked behind us
like the ghost of old memories
as we drove through the haze of morning dew.
Startled into awareness of our intrusion,
the grasshoppers crossed in frenzied patterns
before our trespassing feet.
The patchwork quilt was our oasis
in a sea of fanning wheat~
gold, reflecting in the pattern of your telling eyes
Beneath the spider web structure of the old barn,
you made love to me in the sunlight,
the heat
melting the pattern of heartache
from our broken bodies.
Your tongue traced like a tentacle, the outline of your name
down the curvature of my spine
as you whispered your love
against my bare skin.
The breeze washed my laughter away on the breath of air
like the cottonwood seeds wafting over our heads,
knowing it was only for the moment.
With strands of George Jones’ mellow voice
wrapping us in silent reprieve,
he stopped loving her today
Author notes
a nod to George Jones' "He Stopped Loving Her Today"
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 94 of 94
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the poem and the reference to the song is great. got the whole drift of both in your great words.
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thank you
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I know the song, my parents were big on country music when I was growing up. And of course the song plays and integral part in the poem, where the meaning of it shifted upon at last line. There were certainly signs throughout the poem but only until Jones' line did I see the emptiness in the romantic moment.
I'm ashamed to say I've been there, on the receiving end, hoping that moment might rekindle feelings which of course it did not...it ended up just a hollow ritual.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading it, thanks.
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thank you....
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The passion builds in this natural beauty of a flowering poem. I am awestruck and my breath is taken away. The last line caught me by surprise. What a beautiful and expertly presented work of words.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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I'm almost certain I read and commented on this in the past, but just in case not I'll take another chance to say that this is a great piece, and leave smileys (assuming I have not done so yet.)
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your poetry is amazing
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aww thank you I'm glad you enjoy it...
Stacy
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loved it from starty to end fine work that sings to a sadish closure
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"The breeze washed my laughter away on the breath of air
like the cottonwood seeds wafting over our heads,
knowing it was only for the moment.
With strands of George Jones’ mellow voice
wrapping us in silent reprieve,
he stopped loving her today"
^^ WOW!
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Such memories you touch on with this one. I think we must all have our gravel roads and old barns and other places where love is explored for the first time. Those big cottonwoods sound like seas in the waves of wind, their leaves catch the light and flicker the way water does. They always shed into your hair and your clothes big white tufts.
You capture the setting and the feelings so well with just the right level of understatement. A wistful memory, a warm thought . . . summer afternoons are often made of those things.
Excellent.
Garrison
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I love your line,
the patchwork quilt was our oasis!
I love your poem! Ariosto is my husband and introduced me to your poems and
I'm very glad he did!
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Aww Elle, what a pleasure to meet you! I'm on my way now to read some of your work then. Surely you are as talented as your poetic husband that I'm sure you adore even more than we do
Thank you for your comment and for reading my work.
Love,
Stacy aka Daizee
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i smile here with the word 'gold' i have a poem called silver fancies and more often than not it will get the silver cup just beacause it says silver and i did an experiment awhile back where i threw in subliminal messages of gold and guess what
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Lol@ subliminal... too funny
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What a lovely bit of writing.
You get many points for beauty and image, but big bonus points for evoking George Jones. Shows you not only have talent, but taste.
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I'm a fan of his as well
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You write absolutely beautiful, I haven't read anything less then perfect from you. Nice f'in job Miss Thang.
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Oh yes, that back bit..
seems to have been appreciated by many, male oddly enough, purely from an artistic stand-point of course. And a West Ham supporter! Over in Illinois you don't know the meaning of that.
I,personally, was only interested in the structure of the thing... Hmmmm....
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Thank you for your comment.
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In terms of imagery, this is a beanfeast! I enjoyed it so much. The kind of piece I can imagine written across a lover's back...so yummy. Going back a second time to read it slower was twice as awesome.
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I take the second read as a high compliment as I do the same thing with poems that truly fascinate me Thank you...
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sighhhhh...wow....this is just so beautiful..I love how you begin the poems with fine words ...like an artist with a fine pair of paintbrush..u first tease the the readers with a beautiful scenery..than you add in the large brush with bold color,...and finally you perfect the masterpiece with carefully details and a perfect ending....beautiful piece..I enjoyed every line..good job!!!
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I'm glad you liked it
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"The breeze washed my laughter away on the breath of air
like the cottonwood seeds wafting over our heads,"
i love the imagery in this! wow, the ending reminds me of that little scary, nervous feeling that always exists in love. love this, it's nice to read you again.
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Welcome back Tara
It's been too long. Looking forward to you posting again
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bad colors.... distracting from the poem
"Your tongue traced like a tentacle, the outline of your name
down the curvature of my spine " hmmm, yes
great rhythm throughout
ps...
the grasshoppers crossed in frenzied patterns
before our trespassing feet
loved this too
the feet wheat rhyme was bad in my humble oppinion
but so many great parts like...
"melting the pattern of heartache
from our broken bodies" ... dayum
pss...
i fucking love that song
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I like my color choice
and I don't rhyme. If you found one in the midst, was pure coincidence. A Dr. Seuss poet, I am not.
PS. I'll forgive you because you happen to love that song as much as I do.
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hope you don't fault me for telling you my opinion
it is only one... of many
but I will still tell it
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I would despise you if you blew fake comments up my ass
I course i don't fault. I just had to give you a jab back..lol -
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you wanna have virtual sex online?
[shifty eyed interlude]
or just
get really close in words
some time? -
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If you can overlook my lousy rhyming, I'll think about it. Just how close did you want to get to my words, huh?
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bird, bird, bird is the word
duh nuh nuh nuh -
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oh! yes now
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Great imagery, very strong write. This had many great metaphores, which make me think, and that is good..
Melting the pattern of heartache
from our broken bodies..
This is so effective..Your talent is emerging..I can see and feel it...Good for you...Goodluck..Thanks for writing this,
John -
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Thanks John... I admire your work, so your compliments are appreciated
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Outstanding poetry, profound, heartfelt...I remember that day very well..Btw, I've underlined in red every single 'I love you.'
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Awww if you could see the big smile on my face when I read your last line You know the song, I see
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I love George Jones and that's one of my favorite songs by him, helped me make it through my divorce. Your poem was truly moving, a superb write
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Thank you, Vito I'm glad the song means something to you as well
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Thank you, Vito I'm glad the song means something to you as well
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AHhhh, just had to come back for another read...
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Aww.. welcome back to my gravel road
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I'll start walkin' your way and you start walkin' mine...
Hmmmm the middle isn't a Georgia pine though... lol
Thank you -
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we gain a lotta ground..if we both give a little..
lol
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Let's see... middle ways between you and me should be somewhere in West-by-God-Virginia...
I'll give a little...
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LOL! Meet me there?
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Yessssss
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Reading this is like seeing a dream unfolding before my eyes. You have spoken such a vivid backdrop into existance and I feel like I just sat back and watched it 'play' out. The first two lines:
"The dust from the old gravel road snaked behind us
like the ghost of old memories"
This is utterly spectacular... and set's the scene perfectly. The wheat, the grasshoppers... sigh... the lovers in passion's dance.... it's all truly stunning.
You always captivate me with your writing but this one is truly something special. A bookmark!
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You are the weaver of fairy tales, so when you tell me you like something I've written, I glow from the inside out
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deeply moving
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If you ever lose your job you can go to any country radio station and tell them you are their next disc jockey... be assertive... just walk in and say, " I'm your new disc jockey and if you wish to know why... just let me show you" Then tell them to get ready to play this song on your cue, recite the poem and then cue them in. I garauntee you they will hire you on the spot ( providing you use your sexy voice, which I am sure you have one... lol). Now the key is you are going to have to write your ass off for other songs in the meantime... I'd say at least one or two a shift to keep your job, but hey... you got yourself hired! (you can thank me later... lmbo)
Your imagery and metaphor through out this is just outstanding dear. This is one of your best poems!
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Suzi
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I was giggling all the way through you comment
I am friends with our local DJ here at my favorite country music station and was picturing his face as I tried to imagine me being assertive and demanding to be hired LOL
Your comments are always filled with humor and stories that you share with me. Don't ever stop that~~I'm forever smiling, reading them
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beautiful imagery, awww i felt your story.
it was so good.!!! i loved for a stanza that might have stood out and i loved it all.
Blessings
Rend
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Thank you, Rend
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this is so very beautiful... what better place than out in nature to feel love deep inside the marrow, to achieve the oneness ... loved this one.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you
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No, you are wrong... any man who reads this would start loving you today.
Astounding in image and feelings.
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Buddy... you touch my heart
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With intent and pleasure... and I read it.
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xo
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you write life and its intimate painful moments like no one else! I know the song well, grew up on real country music bursting from my mom's Hi-Fi-Stereo, George and Tammi were favorites.
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I grew up listening to it too. There was always country music coming out our windows at home.. lol
Thank you..
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Awesome!
Hi! another great piece, I sing that song alot, it's my favorite country song Good job!
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It's a good one
Thanks..I'm glad you liked it
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INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh, i have to think of the words now....
how you can take that song and put breath into the words is amazing. you were walking me through a romantic summer day when cares weren't even thought of and falling in love with the one you are with is what it's all about. one day, i am going to ask the guy i will be with to trace his name down my back with his tongue... how sexy is THAT!!! loved each line in this and the feel of breezes through my mind, just taking me to that moment.
SO SO well done.
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You are the best... I hope you realize that
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Stacy, this has a wonderful sense of sensuality and intimacy.
The line that starts with 'Your tongue traced like a tentacle...' is so well thought.
I very much enjoyed reading your poem, thanks
Mari
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Thank you Mari
Your comments mean so much
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One Word,
Gold.
This takes wings and sails. I love this.
The emotion in the last line, is great.
Golden.
Joe
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Thanks Joe
Love your picture
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Very impressive, a beautifull love poem. Excellent usage of metaphoric meanings and expression. This one of your bests, if I dont say so myself
John
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easily one of the best you've written to date...beautiful. nothing else needs to be said
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Thanks Matt. Your comments carry a lot of weight.
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wow...what a beautiful write ...I don't know why, but the tongue traced like a tenacle part really struck me...what a clever metaphor and alliteration.
well done on this one...damn now I have George Jones stuck in my head!
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I have too..since dawn... lmao Thank you
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This was one of the most beautiful displays of written motion I have ever read in a poem. The dust, the grasshoppers, the cottonwood seeds, all of those were amazing. You blew me away with this one.
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I treasure your opinion.. trust that..and thanks.
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Oh, this made me yearn for a moment like that again... lol.
So sensual, and the ending, poignant. Really good take on the prompt.
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ahh..those wheat fields.. lol
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strikingly impressive!
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Lovely poem!
Makes me view that countryside in a new summer light.
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Thank you
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You have such an amazing talent. When I begin to read your work, I get sucked right into the time and place, feeling every moment. And you can't go wrong with George
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Where do I begin to tell you how stunning this is? I actually love that song And girl you sure did it justice! Your imagery as always is superb!
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I hope George doesn't mind.. lol
Thank you for always believing in me
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Ofcourse I believe you in! And ol' George would give you a standing ovation
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*bows* LOL
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