While drowning
she wonders if she looks like a mermaid
in the water too dark to see
through the surface of birch bark and dust
They say that it's a painless death
but they are wrong
Like a bird winging through molten rock
she does not belong here
Watch her arms reach up towards the light
and we all hope for her now
reach! there is life out there
and she does
but it is lonely out there
and no one knows how to love
they just pretend to
and resistance is vain
she is already consumed
and he is out there, waiting
to own her
and there is a languid freedom here
just before the darkness
and the escape
from the "I would never do that to you!
Why are you doing this to me!"
and the "You don't do anything for my ego,
so it is a good thing I don't depend on it"
and the "haven't you ever told YOUR kids that they need
to respect their stepfather? I have told my daughter"
and her names : bitch, asshole, the one that lacks the ability to
___insert common human ability here.
The one who is writing this here, hidden, because
he demands to see everything. Because he would
spend hours of the early morning berating her thoughts
because she has to hide and he says that every time a woman
hid something from him, she was being unfaithful.
Because his eyes were red and he tore his shirt,
hit her, but only with a pillow or so...
then the wall with his fist
insulted her and then cried like a baby...
and then lectured her about appropriate
communication...
lectures her about love...
and asks her why hasn't she apologized yet
it is her fault he's in this state...
"what's so hard about admitting you are wrong?"
Despair is her answer
but then she remembers...and holds her belly
large with six months of baby...reaches for the light
and lives for him.
No...she doesn't need that light
and drowning is kind.
Author notes
sometimes i get lost
What did you think
Comments
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If this is imagined then it's so emotionally moving, but from the reading it sounds like this is where you are - physically and emotionally. This is your story isn't it? Such a plea for mercy. If you are really 6 mos along, what exactly does he expect as "appropriate communication" anyway? Come on...
I like Rashida's comment also, that line seems to fit the way she suggests it, but I can't pretend to understand everything fully - such a novice. If it makes any difference to you to know, it was powerful, and the last line connected like a punch, and I found myself wanting to tear up.
May you live & have the mercy that a mother of children deserves. -
This piece was fantastic, deep, dark and moving. I've been in this situation and I totally related to all the feelings you painted. I found the flow easy to follow, and the wording was very succinct.
The only place where it faltered was in the line "They say that is painless death"
It didn't seem to flow quite right, as if there was something missing from it, or it was misworded. Perhaps it would flow better if it said "They say that it's a painless death"
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