Depression Doesn't Make You Love Me (prose- # 2)

Dear -----,

Sometimes I let my muse lead me astray on a raft through the rapids.It always carries me back to the starting line - your doorstep, a locked fence encircling your wonderous field of blossoming peonies ,roses and fruit-bearing trees. It's good to know that I've been on the inside once, maybe twice as I stand clenching the intricately wired frosty iron. I'm close enough to being inside for now - for now.

I know I haven't always been the best contestant in the Amazing Race for your heart. Time and time again I remind you of the things you do not want in me - taunting you until the field lights ablaze. But please understand that I would rather work hard and earn nothing than accept loneliness without a fight.

I might have traveled in your vena cava, through your right atrium and ventricle - into the dead center - had I followed the diagram properly. Reading the manual upside down, I traveled against bloodflow through your aorta, failing to climb the fence of platelets already rushing to patch your expectations sorrow.

After all, you can't build a fountain of love on sympathetic foundation, not without the water corroding from the inside out. Right? 
                                                 
                                                  Eternally yours, if you want me,
                                                                                                  Caitlin