shards of water closing in
skin opens spilling out my anguish
lost beneath the waves of sin
dark pounding against my soul
I climb through pain, the hate within
can you tell me why I cry?
jumping off, trying to fly
tempted by the easy dive into despair
but falling into a crumbling sky
pieces of my heart ripped away
my hope and truth and faith all die
can you tell me why I fear?
meeting the earth my eyes are clear
frail body shatters in an instant
floating, alone in my crystalized tear
the few chains left melt into me
free now to grieve for every lost year
can you tell me why we fall?
Author notes
Written March 23rd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Slipping by someoneweknew.
300 points, ended April 17, 2004, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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great poem
Beautiful written, full of heart and just touching wonderful piece. I enjoued it very much. Anna -
lol, sorry ikeep coming back to it .. im not too sure if i like it or not. unlike you, rhymes dont do much for me!
opposites in that sense. other than that, i like the wording for the poem, and the whole using the sea as a metaphor .. thats really great .. i like the last stanza the best, because for me it has definetly the most emotion. but that could be just me. 
normally not the poem i would read, but good all the same.
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On first impression, I was going to say it needed work, but then I hit myself and read it again, only to find that it was deep, painful and well-expressed. The first stanza seems to be just a little cliche/melodramatic/gothic poetry style, but it fit well with the rest and definitely expressed what it was supposed to. Nice job on a very anguished piece.
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wow this was good. it was very powerful, and soo well written. you didn't say more than you needed to, just enought. its beautiful. great piece!
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Wow
Oh wow ...... I dont know what to say its amazing ....Tragic , sad, deep , truthful , heartbreakingly amazing ....
just wow .
great write amazing read one of the best that I've read so far .....
just wow but I've said that already lol ...
I'm gonna stop now but say one last time that it was amazing great poem ...
Take Care
and keep up the great work -
This is a very dark piece which I usually prefer not to read (or write), but this touched me a lot. The anguish practically pours off the page. Well done on this write.
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well structured poem!
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