Incomplete.

i find myself always wanting to ask you questions
that start with 'do you know...'

like do you know how long i've missed you
and that i might still miss you
but i haven't made up my mind

do you know how long i have known of your existence
and how long i have been searching
waiting ever so impatiently

or do you know that this song still gets to me sometimes
the introduction is more than enough
the chords ring and do awkward things with my hands
making them shiver and lose proper sensation

do you know that if i had my way
i could have kissed you
so many times by now

we were so close too
and if hearts are like trees
our branches were jammed together
fighting for sunlight
with leaves making pretty patterns
that overlap sky
spelling out things
we didn't want to admit

but why not
what is wrong with love
love is something to be treasured
something that festers inside and begs and cries to be let out
why lock it away to act like everything was normal
as if we're nothing special
and i am no exception

but i'm sorry if i wasn't enough
i'm sorry for all the stupid arguments we had
if i could
i'd rewind us
and erase all those words i said
or garble them
and make them untranslatable
like our sky
our sugar
our drowning mountains

i'm sorry for being overly emotional
and turning little things into big deals
but is that really what happened
deep down
was it really me
if so and if not
i'll say it anyway
i am so sorry
all i want for you is happiness and life
with or without me
but hopefully
with me

hearing those stories about you wanting to end it all
makes me feel like smothered glass
like i had splintering wood on the inside
and not enough substance to break a fall
or save a life
or even spark a smile

am i something now
make me something to you

i never believed it
never
even when i probably was
i wasn't
you said i was the girl you loved but had never met yet
you're as close to perfect as i can see
and i'm still
skewed

i know we may not live forever
but don't let me go
you're bottled in me
you
and your horrible sweet words
and hypocrisy and pet names
and hand holding
even though to this day
i still have never really felt your touch

i know you cared about me
but it doesn't feel like romance or sensuality anymore
it feels like something deeper
something like marble that has a never ending shine
we can be that permanent
so let me in
and i will avenge all we lost in the fire

you seem to have me figured out
but i am not the girl with the perfect hair
or the one who can wear white
and not spill on it
i'm scared of needles and not that kind
and too defensive for my own good
but i'd die for you
and more importantly
i'd live for you

i wish your heart would separate
so i could climb on in and restitch the tear
your pride ripped
on its way out

i wish you understood
and maybe you do
and maybe i'll never know
because you would never admit it
so my sentiment remains unempathized

and if i said i was complete without you
i'd be lying
completely