I am the moonlit shadow entity, floating near the shore of the
dark azure ocean. I am the passion, the dream of ambitious
dolphins and envious sharks. . . But killer whales were my
biggest fans, faithfully taking time out of their twenty-four
hours to blow me up in whirlpools of emotional torment. . .
I had to go, I had to get away 'cause venturing in those waters
got breathless. So I became a firefly of night, gliding just
above the moon-reflecting sea to shower in its mist of
illlusions; in order to restore the glow of my green lantern,
so i may not fade in the rippling winds like a sand mirage in a
desert atmosphere ---- by its creatures and the vengeful Sahara
sun that shines only to set aflame my wings and corrupt the
color of my gracious green glow. . .
Although, I'm beyond them and their capabilities. I am the
mysterious fascination of their incomprehensive mind, the core
inspiration of them craving to be zealous. Mere mortals admire
my charismatic ways and desire my fluency in imagination.
However, they keep such idolization concealed. And underneath
the guise of self-assurance, their words pierce my ears. . .
their cruelty vaquishes my soul. . .
and diminishes my essence. . .
These humans of toxic mentality make me feel unworthy of
existence. . .so cut and paste my insecurities to their souls,
so the words they acquainted with my ear will eject from my
conscious and enter their mind. . .
I understand their misguided judgement. . .but still I seek
sincere sorries to help heal wounds resulting to my
extinction. An apology for me being the being they ran over,
reversed, and parked on, while cruisin'. . .in a pursuit. . .
of happiness.
Is my vocabulary to high? Is the concept understandable? Please still comment on everything else and what you feel about the poem as well. Thanx!
Comments
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"But killer whales were my
biggest fans, faithfully taking time out of their twenty-four
hours to blow me up in whirlpools of emotional torment. . ."
I loved this stanza.
It created such vivid mental pictures in my head.
Be careful not to overwhelm the reader with too many vivid words, because I believe that if you get carried away, the mind creates too many images, and may prove to be a bit confusing. There is a such thing as "over editing."
Just messing with you, I just made that up on the spot LOL!
It was wonderful, great write and I'd like to see more from you.
~~~Khelo
& 
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Yeah IKR!!! LOL! I love that part too. But no you're right about the "over editing" thing because I do tend to do that but most of the time when I'm editing I tend to catch myself. I've actually edited this one again too, LMAO, can't wait to see what you think of it.
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I am not really sure what to say to this poem. There were many layers to this poem for the most part nicely flowing into each other. There were the references to the ocean which excites me, in my youth we would sit by the Italian shore and let the water lap at our feet. Then there were the animals and though they were relevent they did nothing to enhance the write. It took away.
The message was nice. Sometimes overly cliche but not too much here. The vocabulary is good. The imagery as well. Just needs an edit on the flow. Humans are simultaneously capable of great compassion and great selfishness. -
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I agree with everything you've said except the overly cliche tone because though my concept is almost common in this piece as a real life situation it is no where near a cliche or commonly used within the literature world, most of all poetry. I also want to point out that animals does not subtract from my piece and is part of what makes the poem non-cliche because it describes and symbolizes that whaytever you transform or mold yourself to be there will always be those who dissapprove. But as I said before I do agree with everything else especially your suggestion of some editing on the flow and with all that being said thanks so much for your constructive criticism and honesty, I truly do value not only another poet's opinion but another poet of my age group opinion so thanx!
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My mouth is wide open right now! LOL!! This is great and I loved readiing all of it! You have found your born talent and that is wonderful
I'm still looking for mine 
Keep up the beautiful pieces that are flowing from your pen hon 
These humans of toxic mentality make me feel unworthy of
existence. . .so cut and paste my insecurities to their souls,
so the words they acquainted with my ear will eject from my
conscious and enter their mind. . .
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LMAO to the mouth being wide open! LOL! That's unreal for me! And yeah I really do feel I've found my born tealent at such a tender age and it is really touching my soul that yu and others see that if it is only a few. Thank you so much I'm so happy you liked my work and hopefully you like the next poem I posting later on today.
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Wow, there's so much i want to say. This piece is evolutionary, not only of a creatures rising above but the emotions the core of all it has experienced, the fear, the dismay, the understanding, that its what has to take place...This is Life!
This line blew me away, completely:
Although, I'm beyond them and their capabilities. I am the
mellow fascination of their incomprehensive mind
I see you as a writer with a brilliant mind and poetic heart; a perfect combination to someday hold an hand the pulitzer prize. This fascination you should comprehend; this piece speaks highly of a soul, spirit and mind that overall practically knows all. Cherish it.
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OH MY GOD! YOU REALLY MADE MY MORNING! I SINCERELY TREASURE YOUR HONETY AND VALUE YOUR WORDS! I'M SPEECHLESS AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I'M JUST SO HUMBLED THAT PEOPLE, ARTISTS ARE HEARING MY VOICE WHICH OUTSIDE OF POETRY SEEMS TO BE WEARY BUT GRADUALLLY GETTING STRONGER. THANK YOU VERY MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS MAKE SME FEEL ABOUT NOT ONLY MY WORK, BUT MYSELF! Oh and by the way the soul, spirit, and mind that you mentioned is me even though I of course don't know it all! LMAO!
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MINDBLOWING.... Would be a way to describe this poem. Deep and highly articulate. Also very powerful with excellent use of imagery. This is excellent and wonderful work...our writing styles r similar.
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WOW! Thanx alot! I really didn't expect for anyone to understand this piece in particular out of all the work I posted or for a better word written. I am so glad u think so highly of it and most of all understand it. Thanks!!!
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DYNAMIC......
This one rocks knowledge....you are not only a poet but a masterful writer
I would love to experience a novel you composed....the metaphoric magic in
this read is both impressive & over-whelming....now you need to keep sharing this beautiful mind with AP......waiting for the publications pending....novy
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O. . .M. . .G! Thank you so so so much! This is one of the best reviews I have ever received on allpoetry or period for that matter. I am simply astonished, overwhelmed, shocked, and joyous of your heart-filling remark. I can't begin to describe how grateful I am for someone to understand my thoughts. I can't wait for you read more of my work novy, hopefully you like more of my poems just as much as this one or maybe more. Thank you so much, you made my night!
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Wow,I love this.It is beautiful and the imagery is wonderful.And your choice of words,great.I love the feeling I get from this poem.You are talented and I am thankful that I could read it.
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I know, I know! LMAO! No, I'm joking! LMAO! But thank you so much for your comments. If you like this so much you should read and review the other piece I posted entitled, "Curves of the Wind". But anyway I really appreciate you expressing that you felt something from my work, I really do!!! That makes me feel like a valid writer and that somebody out there knows what I'm saying so thanks so much and write on!
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Wow! Actually I love the vocabulary in this piece! I love the first paragraph in this, so expressive and impressive (as the whole piece is...).
This is lovely my friend
Write on dear poet!
K
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Thank you very very much! I genuinely appreciate such a raving review, especially when it's honest. So thanks! Oh and you are very welcome for my comment on your poem. . .it was well-deserved though cause that was an 'extraordinary' piece! Thank you Nic and write on as well!!!
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