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Passion's Challenge

 

 

Come to me my slave and kneel before your Mistress!

Lick the length of my boots and work your way up my thigh.

Leave me breathless as you rip off my silk panties,

and give me a nice wet French kiss until I cum.

 

Now lay back and place your hands above your head,

as I handcuff you to the bedposts.

I want to hear you scream as I crack my bull whip,

all over your hot and steaming body.

 

*CRACK!*  I love to watch as your eyes flinch,

and the way you moan and beg me for more.

Don't worry my little pet, I'm not through.

I have a whole night of love making in store for you. 

 

Now as I take this bottle of lubricant and rub it,

all over the length of your cock and body.

I am going to show you just how erotic I can be.

Slowly as I massage your balls then squeeze them.

 

Leaving you breathless and throbbing,

as I lie next to you with my vibrator in hand.

I whip you once more upon your back,

making sure you sit still and watch as I seduce you.

 

With my vibrator in hand I look deep into your eyes,

as I massage my clit and pinch my nipples.

I start to moan as you start to drool all over yourself,

leaving me hot and ready for your passion.

 

I pop open a beer bottle and pour half of it,

all over your face and the other half on my body.

It slowly flows down my neck to my breasts,

dripping off both of my nipples.

 

I insert it deep inside of me,

as your cock starts to twitch uncontrollably.

I love to watch you as it quickly rises,

while I blow hot air from my mouth all over it.

 

I walk over and kneel in front of you,

bringing both my breasts together with my hands.

I command you to lick them both dry,

then the remaining drops upon my mound.

 

You slowly tongue fuck me deep inside,

as I feel my juices run out of me and into your mouth.

I love how you moan as you continue to lap up,

every last drop from my pussy lips.

 

I push your shoulders back and step away,

hearing a "plop" come from your lips.

I quickly untie you and hand you over the ropes.

You smile and giggle devilishly as you take the whip.

 

You command me to my knees then pull my hair back,

forcing every inch of your hardness down my throat.

You place your right foot inside of my pussy,

and start to tease me with your toes.

 

As you remove your cock from my mouth,

you tell me to lick your toes and I do.

The taste of me all over you drives me insane,

as I slowly kiss and suck every inch of your size 13 foot.

 

You pick me up and carry me over,

to your erotic swing in the middle of the room.

I sit in it with my legs spread eagle,

and watch as you get comfortable in yours.

 

You start to swing gently until you catch me.

You slowly insert your throbbing member,

deep inside as we start to glide back and forth in the air.

This feeling is so erotic and new to me.

 

I lie back in the swing as you embrace me,

leaving me lost in a world of eroticism and bliss.

My body starts to tremble and as you explode,

my juices start to flow all over you as well.

 

We both take a deep breath and sigh,

as the swing starts to slow down.

The coolness in the air refreshes us,

as you kiss me and whisper, "I love you!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Your assignment... Pen me piece on the fetish randomly chosen for you..you also have a word bank of five words... Both your groups are listed for the group to see....
***JEREMY0826

Shoe fetishism
shoes or other footwear

1. Bullwhip
3. Vibrator
5. Beer Bottle
7. Lubricant
9. Swing

I appreciate your comments and applause on my work. However, please do not use my name in your comments due to the contest rules. Thank you very much!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • PassionsPromise gold member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    I have said my piece earlier. You have improved a great deal in your writing and was quite amazed..the beer bottle..worked it in smoothly...although you touched on the fetish you didnt real get into it..white stone actually touched a bit of what i thought so will save the run down.

    your score:

    Creativity......18
    Following Rules, using fetish.....15
    Grammar and Spelling.....18
    Heat..the ahhh effect......18
    Free for doing Competition....20

    Total..........89


  • white stone
    July 6
    Edit | Reply
    with the criteria given, I would give you a 67.

  • white stone
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Hello Jeremy. Passions asked me to help judge, so here goes.

    First of all, don't worry. This is far from being too heavy for the site. You didn't touch on any taboo, so you're clear there.

    Of the three challengers, your entry is by far the strongest. I wouldn't consider it quality erotica, but I would say that with a few tweaks it could be.

    It was a ballsy move to write from the female perspective, and I think it was a good one.

    Good first stanza, but the word "nice" sticks out o me. It really doesn't seem to belong in this poem, lol.

    The second stanza was good, you showed me where you were and what the tone for the poem would be. On the other hand, the word "steaming" came off as a bit cheesy to me here. That word, along with the " nice wet" melted the power to this point for me a bit.

    The third stanza worked well.

    Stanza four could use some rework:
    "Now as I take this bottle of lube and rub it
    all over the length of your cock and body,
    I am going to show you just how erotic I can be....
    slowly....
    as I massage your balls then squeeze them."
    The word lubricant is so sterile to me, just an opinion, lube reads dirtier, but also, I like the natural lube if I can manage it.

    The fifth stanza is the best so far. I would let it stand as is if it were my piece.

    Stanza six:
    "drool all over yourself"

    not sexy, dude. Mouth watering is good. Drooling all over oneself is just gross. Melts power.

    You worked the beer bottle in pretty well... so the next two stanzas work out. I would have liked it to have more tease to it, though.

    Stanza nine works. Another misplaced comma between up and every though.

    Stanza ten: I can't emphasize this enough. The word "plop" never, ever works in erotica. Just saying.

    Stanza eleven: lmmfao! If you're going to foot a girl, try writing about working it in instead of "placing" it. If you can easily place an entire foot inside a girl with the minimal fooreplay in that area that you've described, then there's something wrong. Just an opinion there.

    Stanza twelve: I'm probably being nitpickey, but I'm trying to be helpful. I could have done without the size 13.

    Stanza thirteen: Another misplaced comma between over and to. It works otherwise though.

    Stanza fourteen: I hate the word member. Especially a throbbing one. Reminds me of a leg or an arm, as well as some of the cheesy dimestore erotica I've read. Try to avoid that word if you can.

    Stanza fifteen is effective.

    Stanza sixteen is the closer, so very important. Sex like this should warrant more than a deep breath and a sigh, lol. Still, you are getting there, just keep working at it, bro. No offense meant by any of this. I even find much of my own erotica lackluster.

    Good job here overall, though. Keep at it.










  • cricketjeff gold member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Ummmm
    Yes
    Welll
    Perhaps I'll just give you your score

    this comes out a 75 on my scoring

    Excellent.

    Jeff


  • Griswold silver member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Well this is certainly a descriptive write for sure my friend. I was curious how you were going to get beer bottle in there...lol I would have liked to see more of the fetish though instead of the down and dirty act Tory said you were worried about the site removing it because of content, don't worry, It's mild compared to some of my early stuff. Rated XXX with a heat index of 8. Scott

  • Mr Jigs
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Creativity......18
    Following Rules, using fetish.....15
    Grammar and Spelling.....20
    Heat..the ahhh effect......15
    Free for doing Competition....20

    Total..........88

    Comments....I don't think I would have used the part of putting the foot in her...say only toes....lol
    In all you did great from a woman's perspective. I would have liked to seen the end build up a bit more so that part did not have the ahhh effect for me like the rest. In all though, a great poem.
    Rod


  • Edie gold member
    July 6
    Edit | Reply

    It's a 7

    Wow this is unexpected and surprising. I would have liked to see more imagery combined with the very steamy vocab, but that’s just me.

    I also feel that you could have played more off the foot fetish idea...

  • PassionsPromise gold member
    July 6
    Edit | Reply
    NOW you have met the challenge. and then some HOLY MOLY...add to the lair. And I will leave word dear on the board. Well done. I MEAN WELL DONE

    This Mistress is astounded!

    Mistress Passions


  • Dragonbabyx3
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    oh...my....goodness... wow... I am speechless. This left me breathless and by damned golly I want more.... Holy hell. I need a beer, and a cold shower Awesome write!


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    July 6
    Edit | Reply
    Nasty.
    Nice work bro! lol


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    July 6
    Edit | Reply
    well I just am at a loss for words, my dear brother..

    good luck
    Kat


  • hotchocolate gold member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is great!!!! This looks like a gold here to me ! One hot write here hon and I wish you luck in the contest

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