I've lingered in the chambers of the sea,
My sea-girl draped in seaweed brown and red,
Aligned with Tangaroa, dreaming tranquilly.
In clear lagoon bejeweled effulgently,
Surrounded by an atoll's coral bed,
I've lingered in the chambers of the sea.
My lover's eyes are shining lucidly,
In deeper waters looming up ahead,
Aligned with Tangaroa, dreaming tranquilly.
For thirteen days submerged quite happily,
Beneath these warm and pristine waters tread.
I've lingered in the chambers of the sea.
Exotic eyes call purest love to me.
Within my heart it feels as we are wed,
Aligned with Tangaroa, dreaming tranquilly.
I pray not to awaken ardently,
Contented I shall swim with her instead,
I've lingered in the chambers of the sea,
Aligned with Tangaroa, dreaming tranquilly.
Author notes
This is a villanelle. In Māori mythology, Tangaroa (also Takaroa) is one of the great gods, the god of the sea.
A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme: aba aba aba aba aba abaa. The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines). From http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html
When love seems a dream, one prays not to awaken. Inspired by:
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
- T. S. Eliot
A contest entry
- In Love and Loving It! by Jaded Lily.
2000 points, ended July 9, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Excellent poem and form. I appreciate your taking the time to join my contest and wish you the best of luck always!
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Very beautiful poem ...
I loved this Allan. Lyrical, timeless, lovely work. Thank you.
Love
Always Myra
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Most Exquisite..
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I like this, and I think I would like it more if I understood all the words. Either way I know enough to appreciate your talent.
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like the dreamy kelp langor. you seem to know a thing or two about cultivating an octopuss' garden. -silverfish
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I give you a lot of credit writing this, so complicated it seems. You did a remarkable job with this. I loved it. Your wording and phrasing techniques are so impressive. You have hit a homerun with .Congrats. Keep up the great work
John
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this is a beautiful poem on the classic maori tales. im not native nz but i live here now and i find it fascinating. well done
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I have never been fond of Eliot's sense of constant misery and doom. I'm sorry, perhaps I'm not so severely intellectual, but my taste leans more towards Frost. I like what you've done with those two lines. To me, it's better than drowning.
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Thank you for your excellent insightful comment. Yes, Eliot is indeed a realist with sad notions. I am trying to correct him here with this. It is not inevitable that we awaken. Reality is nothing more than a conscious dream. Only our runaway egos think so. Why not live in an unconscious dream instead? I see no harmin it. If it contains more beauty I think it is practical.
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A brave attempt at a difficult poetic form. Part of the challenge is to make the repeated lines appear to flow naturally wherever they occur.
It seems to me you have made it harder for yourself by using a well known phrase from TSE, with its Prufrock overtones, in line 1, and by having an extra beat in the rhythm of line 3; or is Tangaroa pronounced Ta'roa in the Maori language?
However my ignorance of that language, and of the myth, means I may not be getting some of the references correctly.
Is the mythical god Tangaroa male or female?
Is the Tangeroa of the title a typo, or the narrator who has been lying abed hopefully with the dreaming Tangaroa for 13 days?
Am I right in reading that time reference, and the reference to deeper waters looming ahead, as referring to a point in the mythical story when the would-be lover runs out of patience with the god and decides to move on with the enticing sea-girl instead?
Sorry to ply you with such questions, but your poem does succeed in arousing interest!
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Typo. Male god. There is no set meter for Villanelles. I took liberties. So far, the dream has lasted 13 days. Narrator doesn't want to wake up. You are misunderstanding, the dream is not his or hers but the God's and they are sharing it with him. It is by his grace they are able to live under water. As long as they remain aligned with him, there is no need to go topside.
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Typo. Male god. There is no set meter for Villanelles. I took liberties. So far, the dream has lasted 13 days. Narrator doesn't want to wake up. You are misunderstanding, the dream is not his or hers but the God's and they are sharing it with him. It is by his grace they are able to live under water. As long as they remain aligned with him, there is no need to go topside.
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Beautiful villanelle, and a pretty mix of Polynesian mythology - Tangaloa was creator in central and western Polynesia, in Samoa also supreme ruler, and in Tahiti he was known as Taaroa, in Hawaii as Kanaloa, as Tagaro in the New Hebrides. Maori, though, know him as Tangaroa and accord his brother Tane greater importance, although there are indications that he once occupied a higher position.
No coral atolls for the Maori either, but still a whimsical poem.
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Far be it from me to argue with such a well respected poet, but:
The Cook Islands are in the South Pacific Ocean, north-east of New Zealand, between French Polynesia and Fiji. There are fifteen major islands, spread over 2.2 million square kilometres of ocean, divided into two distinct groups: the Southern Cook Islands, and the Northern Cook Islands of coral atolls.
I got it right. -
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May I suggest you read South Seas Myths and Legends, by Donald A. McKenzie - he addresses the epic wanderings of the Polynesian people, in the context of older myths, and reaches some astounding conclusions about their links to Egypt and India, and in particular, with Tangaroa's being a manifestation of Brahma, and in his use of a golden plover body, the bai spirit of the Egyptians.
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wow, i love the detail you went into in the notes, i like learning about mythology so I am glad you added it.
Also the peom is so full of imagery and i love your vocabulary
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This poem is fantastic! I love it!!!
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Hmm.. what can I say Pervirtuous.. a deep poem (pardon the pun) and yet its frisky and light at the same time. I never heard of Tangaroa before, so thanks for sharing this work.
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