As seconds split,
the frenetic wings fluttered
inside your ribcage, then breaking
free
you fell
away from your body
like a shot bird
plunging from sky.
I wanted to say,
"don't worry,
it'll only get easier from here"
but the moment's gone,
you would never hear it anyway
and now
you are busy
being nothing.
A contest entry
- we're concentrating on falling apart. [pif quickie] by lyrebird.
650 points, ended July 7, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critique please.
Comments
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wow ... this poem is very good. the poem really drew me in as I read. You definitely need to enter this into more contests in the future. keep up the good work.
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Thanks a million!
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OOH!
Very nice. Good work poet.
and now
you are busy
being nothing.
Cool lines...
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Fantastic start to the poem, the imagery you've used is beautiful.
Thank you for entering and best of luck.
♥ lyrebird
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