.
...
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I see the water in the wave
the clay within the pot
the gold within the golden ring
the wall behind the spot
I hear the silence between sounds
the breath of butterfly
the vibrant void between two thoughts
the clouds' dance in the sky
I touch the space between two breaths
transparency of air
the glowing joy of timelessness
the peace of wordless prayer
I taste the nectar of “I am”
the honey of Now Here
the bliss of childlike innocence
when thought-clouds disappear
I smell the perfume of the Void
the substance of pure light
the emptiness of name and form
the essence of clear sight
I am what cannot be perceived
the fire before the flame
the Love before the loving heart
no-thing that has no name
I am the “I” before “I am”
the Eye before the “I”
the Vision without vision quest
the Heaven before sky
.....
...
.
Author notes
my constantly updated video-poetry :
http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3791503
In a list
A contest entry
- A Contest for Video Poems ONLY by The Fun House.
4750 points, ended August 29, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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This piece is the total package, not only is the poem beautifully, spiritually uplifting but it is read with such serenity and conviciton. As if you were leading a meditation through the center of your very soul. I was there, I felt it and I am priviledged to have been allowed to touch the light. Exquisite
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Absolutely Beautiful
This is a great big gem, not a little one!
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thank you so much for your most appreciated visit together with tiki-cat, and for your loving kindness ...
much love
marion
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This is lovely. It would make a good mantra/prayer...
Karen
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thank you for stopping by, my sweet karen ...
I am delighted to see your smile lighting up this page ...
marion
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When cannot visit your pages
without feeling "essence"---
the truth, often the unseen,
but known in your words.
With love to you, dear Marion,
M-C
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hello my sweet friend !
I gladly absorb all the love you so kindly send ...
sending a thousand times more love back to you ...
much love
marion
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Well I will never pretend to understand the "i/eye" but I can appreciate the notion of seeing within and between the obvious and beneath surface and symbol, and I guess in the end, enlightenment can be gained by any number of ways, as long as we are open to "seeing."
Or something like that.
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thank you for your insightful feedback on this humble verse, my friend ...
I always appreciate your wonderful visits ...
much love
marion
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I find this very interesting and appealing. The concept is wonderful. I do have a few pieces of critique.
In the first stanza, saying "gold" and then "golden" is redundant. Simply "the gold in the ring" will convey your intent much more elegantly.
Honestly, while you hit your stride midway through and have some excellently rendered stanzas, I have to say that, overall, it seems to me like you used up energy trying to make the poem rhyme and fit some meter that would have been better applied to the expressive component. The strict sense of *form* weighs this poem down and does nothing to enhance it for the most part, largely (though not entirely) because the poem is, after all, about the formless, infinite potential that is the Void, aka No-Thing (as opposed to nothing.) The intellectual and emotional qualities of the poem clash with its rigid "skeletal" structure.
If you're willing to do some re-working, a tiny bit of re-writing, this poem could be significantly improved.
Personally, if it were my poem, I would go back and edit those stanzas in which the rhyming and/or meter do little or nothing to enhance the poem. Rather than obligating yourself to stick to a rigid form, vary it from stanza to stanza. Keep those that feel natural and appropriate. Convert those that feel forced, awkward, or just not as 'clean' into free verse. This conversion doesn't have to be total -- you can retain the rhyming, or the meter, if it isn't the cause of the wobbliness of the stanza in question. In fact, to retain internal symmetry, it would be best to retain a certain amount of connexion and similarity in structure. Still, though, variety is also very aesthetically appealing to the eye and the mind, and if used wisely, can add a lot of impact and meaning to your already wise words.
Remember that rhyme, meter, and form are tools in your poet's kit. You don't have to use a hammer in every single project, but more importantly, you can use a hammer in many, many different ways, and there's nothing that says you can't experiment with your tools.
Obviously you don't need to take my advice; I am but a burst of autumn rain wind-blown into twilight fog. As always, YMMV. Thank you for sharing your work and good luck with all things. Shanti / Shakte.
P.S.: Sorry about the mistake. I forgot to log out of my life partner's account before commenting.
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hello
thank you so much for your in-depth comment together with the valuable suggestions offered for improving this poem ... I agree with you on all the points mentioned and also about my tendency towards rigidity when it comes to applying poetic tools ... your gift of lucid observation as well as your technical knowledge in the art of poetry are highly appreciated ...
you would make a wonderful poetry-teacher and mentor - on ap and in general ...
kindest wishes
and merci beaucoup
marion
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Respected maa
The first stanza reminds me of some allegories by Jnaneshwar.
The primordial note even in the void is AUM. It is perceived with the breath, at the pause between the breaths. This the foundation of the sacred and secret mantra "So..ham"
In the end, when that ultimate "I" expresses, "I am" comes into being. A point well taken.
The composition behoves (behooves) to your mental set up.
Kudos to you
Hemant -
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thank you so much for your valuable input on this verse, dear dr hemant ... happy to see the sacred name of "the lord of knowledge" mahasiddha jnaneshwar on this page ... it is no surprise to me, since the perfume of his "amritanubhava" is still lingering on my mind ...
kindest wishes to you and your family,
marion
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"I am the “I” before “I am”
the Eye before the “I”
the Vision without vision quest
the Heaven before sky"
The song of the voiceless Voice, the whisper from beyond all being and non-being, the serenade never really heard...
This is such a sweetly flowing and exquisitely rhymed vessel holding the understanding of That which is only truly experienced outside of any sense but Being. I Iove the way you use the sensual to point to That which beyond the senses.
Sweetly sung li'l sis.
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your response is, like always, an enlightening elaboration of my insufficient words for speaking about That ... indeed, the senses can never grasp that which is not of a phenomenal nature ... your eagle-eyes have gazed beyond the veil of appearances ...
thank you for your presence, "big brother"
much love
marion
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You stand as an observer of all the timeless existence in this poem. No grief can touch you there since you do not have a body, lifted yourself up to meet the "I" which never perishes.
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well expressed, brother ...
we all know that stateless state intuitively, don't we ?
that's my favorite "meeting point"
marion
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These words of wisdom flow beautifully onto the heart.
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yes, like drifting clouds
thank you so much for your kind words, my friend ...
marion
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I am so happy to see my beloved Marion's work here again - I read this whilst listening to a Jor in Rag Malkauns - your work is simple, pure, serenity.
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and it's a great joy to connect with you again, my sweet sister in spirit ...
much love,
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There are poems I read which leave me with a smile and instant inner peace, this is one of them. The thoughts written with such a sweet cadence have a soothing effect. From title to last line, a wonderful read.
You are always ON
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hahaha, yes, mari is on
how wonderful to see you visiting, sweetheart ...
thank you for having accepted the poetic invitation to embrace the inner peace these words intended to point to ...
much love
mari-on
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blissful state...refreshing to come back to your poems always. i can see beyond the frame of words to know what you are speaking about. pranams.
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yes indeed, these words are just pointers and not meant to be contemplated in the place of that to which they attempt to point ...
I knew you would look beyond them ...
much love
marion
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Marion,
Rarely do I find works here that move me beyond myself to the edge of tears. This is both thoughtful and reflective.
I am speechless (or the thought before words).
Excellent work.
Marianne
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thank you so much, my dear friend marianne, for your precious visit on this page ... I am very touched by your response to this humble verse ...
much love
marion
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Such a light deft hand you have with words, to make them come alive in new ways before our eyes, a melody of meaning flowing underneath the conscious thought... a true pleasure to read and ponder. Lita
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hello lita,
how kind of you to visit ... thank you for sharing your profound feedback on this dance of words ...
much love
marion
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excellent
Wow
I really enjoyed this poem sweetie
Just sheer excellence
Keep em comming
I fear I have lost my muse
Maybe it will come back soon
Hugs
Susan~~~
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the same here, susan: one poem every three months at the best ...
but I trust that this is how it should be ...
much love,
marion
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Love it love it love it!
It carried me along as light as air,
The rhyme is excellent, like a song I could play again and again.
But I would change it just one tiny bit to make the flow seem as the dream you created.
I hear the silence within the sound,
the breath of butterflies,
the vibrant void between two thoughts
The dance within the sky,
Superb!
X
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thank you for visiting, keith, and for sharing your creative suggestions ...
yes, listening to the silence within the sound is another wonderful invitation to wake up from the dream ...
all the best,
marion
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Welcome home Marion, You are the Master, I bow to your great wisdom here. The wonder of this poem is beyond words, just like the truth you espouse here
David
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thank you for sharing the kindnes of your generous heart, david ...
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You are a special person in the firmament which is my(our) Mind
Love David -
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{ HOODWINKED }
This is a truly beautiful and inspiring write.... such a fresh breathe of air and awesome imagery
wow!! welldone and keep up the good work x
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thank you so much for your kind visit and melodious encouragement ...
blessings,
marion
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What a wonderfully perceptive poem of the conscienceness and employment of the senses in areas not usually considered. What a delightful journey where the mind can observe and expand on this great imagery. Well done dear friend!
Write On!
You humble brother Dennis
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merci beaucoup, humble brother dennis, for your luminous smile placed upon this humble page ... and the birdie, the music and the rainbow-hug ...
blessings
marion
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