Hope comes in the disguise of you,
Hope that maybe i am worth more than i think,
Hope that you might become real and my life will be full,
Hope that you are more than a daydream,
Hope that you have room enough in your life for me,
Hope that im not just a way to pass the time,
Hope that some day i wont have to keep my feelings for you secret,
Hope that you are not just a dream ive invented to keep my lonely heart from being so empty,
Hope that if it comes to an end i wont be bent and broken on the floor,
Hope that some day i might be more than just an idea in your head,
Hope that you might see the real me and love me anyway,
Hope that my heart can take the pain when you go away and i break.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Reminds me of my write, Peace. You remember that one? It has the repetition like this one. Only yours is so touchingly beautiful. You, my dreamer daughter, deserve more than to settle. Go for what you wish and let nature take it's course.
I'm amazed, after all these years, at your talent. You will always have that and it grows everyday. Write something more sweetie, I'll always be truthfull with you.
Mama
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I really love your poem. I really like it. It is awesome!
. Love and Peace!
-Jess
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Heartfelt and painful
This touched a nerve with me, for anyone that's ever been let down by love it's the fear of being badly hurt so painfully expressed. Would have been even stronger without the repitition of Hope at the beginning of every line, but well done.
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I really the way this is repeated.
some puncuation errors I see..maybe it was on purpose though.
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Thanks to all of you for commenting
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i like the repition
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I like this line - 'Hope that you are not just a dream ive invented to keep my lonely heart from being so empty,'
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This was really quite lovely. I love your form in this piece. The last four lines would have to be my favorite (:
The only thing I didn't like about this is that the word 'Hope' is used as the start of every line. A little more variety would be nice, but other than that, this was a greatly expressed piece. Thank you for sharing.
-Kati -
I'm just coming back to applaud!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker Who Lost All
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I find
I find it hit a place in me that i didn't know was there...i was touched by it...the only thing with me is that you use the word hope at the begining of each line...I'm just not used to reading poetry written like that but it gave me a chance to broaden my views...in my opinion quite a lovely write. It SEEMS that this has a double meaning. Keeping hope and realizing that it is pointless...interesting. Good write I loved it!!!!!!!!!!
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Bad
This was not written by a 37 year old. Though its clever word use of hope is interesting all these images are too dramatically flamboyant. Their is nothing wrong with the subject matter, I just feel that it is poorly expressed. Then again all the greatest poets we're disregarded at first, so I may be wrong. -
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Im sorry you didnt like it mharriet.
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Magnificiet writing. It had so much emotions and I remember so well how I used to feel like that so much. I love this line especially "Hope that you are not just a dream ive invented to keep my lonely heart from being so empty". That is how I feel so much sometimes toward my boyfriend. Love it and keep on writing.
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wow, a lovely view on hope. the flow is well done and it was deep. keep writing such inspriing and well thought poetry.
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Hope that you find everything that you are looking for in life and in love. Hope that you continue to write thoughtful and inspiring poetry. Hope that all is well with you!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker Who Lost All -
Lovely.
Simply lovely. I love the common pattern of, hope. It makes it fierce and important. Showing off your quite apparent theme. This piece had lovely flow and I feel it was deep and full of emotion in such little amount of words.
My favorite line happens to be the ending line of which fills me with a certain strength as well as sadness.
"Hope that my heart can take a the pain when you go away and i break" That is unbelievably Amaazing.
Gorgeous write m'dear.
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