Wearing colors of sun and sky,
the stars rained without fear—
without the fear that—
that—
Presently I would love to dance—
for knowing that your wings
would dare to fall within my reach—
I exploded in your eyes.
Your eyes illuminated the path
as legs carried us from
the monsters chasing us.
[the fear that
(i) am less...]
I handed you the moon
while summer still filled
your heart to the brim—
Watch the sun carefully
hide his face behind the trees—
he hides because
he knows—
an eternity—
of sunsets—
falls short
of—
your touch.
A contest entry
- & i've forgotten how to breathe again. by Immortal Obscurity.
800 points, ended July 12, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you feel?
Comments
-
wow, this is beautiful. I like all the dashes adn the choppy flow that caused, or I just read things with dashes weirdly
I exploded in your eyes
---
that's a beautiful line
the ending is so brilliant and powerful. I love that part best.
best of luck in the contest!
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title=much better ♥
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Honestly, not crazy about the title... But the poem itself was utterly-amazing. your title should always hint at what's in the package, and I don't think the current one does it any justice, but I can't get over your poem... Well done & thanks for the entry
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Hmmm
I'm not sure what to say about this. Its good, but I don't know, it seems almost like it ended to soon. But good write overall.
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