the bride was beautiful,
even the blind could see that:
silver wispy hair
in a french twist with diamond clips
showing the ruby necklace beneath...
the groom was not suited to her,
or so they all thought
with jet black hair
sunken eyes
and the presence of forever being in pain...
the ever so practiced waltz
on an ebony floor
marvelled the crowds;
her lilly white dress
flowing on the breeze
gently moving, dancing;
the dress dancing
with a life of its own
marrying the floor...
to the music...
to the rhythm...
to the words unspoken...
gently caressing her skin
lifting her into a fatal
euphoria.
the wedding night had to come.
it was inevitable.
rubies landed on the bed
stealing purities
as he made her his woman...
his wife...
his lady...
his one and only...
the rubies kept falling
falling out of her
out with him
she bled such precious rubies
her life blood ebbing
until the tragedies
became reality
ab infinitum et ab nauseum
amo vinculum
Author notes
option five ^_^
In a list
A contest entry
- July New Member Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended August 6, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
Welcome to Allpoetry
An interesting tale, quite melancholy. Reminded me of a tale between vampire and bride - with the ruby that continued to fall.
Welcome to Allpoetry and thank you for entering our contest
I hope that you enjoy the site, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask
Good luck!
I encourage you to comment others and generate activity for yourself!
Good job, keep writing and best of luck to you in the contest!
-
welcome to allpoetry
thanks for entering in the contest, this has a sad and beautiful feel to it, and echos to that of the vampire, or an immortal in general, I liked this but it does go over the line limit for the contest. just wanted to let you know, I like it the way it is,so well done! thanks for sharing this with us and for joining the site, please keep up the writing,
cheers
-
-
there was a line limit? cutlery and oysters then.
thanks for the lovely comment anyway ^_^
-
-
Welcome to Allpoetry
A tragic beauty to this. Perhaps its just me but I feel a reference to twilight here. The forever pained look. And just the whole feel of the poem. This really has a dark beauty to me. I like the flow and structure of this as well. Definitely agree about the use of dance so close together.
Also note you can edit the poem while in the contest. Only if there is a rule saying no editing til the contest is over could you not do so.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
Site Greeter -
-
really? strange... i'm a twilight hater...
but thank you ^_^ and thanks for the tip ^^
-
-
I really enjoyed this... so creative and intriguing. Does this exceed the line limit for the contest? I would hate to see it disqualified. Great work!
-
-
i didnt know there was a line limit...
and thanks ever so much ^_^
-
-
Welcome to AllPoetry!
This is an interesting poem
I like the imagery that you have used here - you really tell the story well the only thing that I would suggest for editing is the double use of "dancing" so close in the fourth stanza - but that could just be me 
- well done!
Welcome to the site, I hope that you enjoy your time here at AllPoetry!
Polly
Site Greeter -
-
yea this has been said a few times... i just dont see how it can be borderline erotica. the dress has a movement and a life of its own, which suggests that the dress is also dancing to the music. maybe its just the way i write ^_^
thanks a lot ^_^ -
-
I didn't think your poem was borderline erotica, and I understand about the dress - it's one of the reasons I liked this poem so much what I meant was the lines:
gently moving, dancing;
the dress dancing
use the word "dancing" twice in a row, which makes it a little redundant. I thought you might like to change one to "swirling" or something like that, so that the magical atmosphere is the same, but you don't have the double word I hope that makes sense!
Polly -
-
>_< that does make sense, i feel rather blond now.
originally the second dancing was making love; the dress was making love the music, and so on. i'll change it back to that once the contest is over. but yes, thanks for spotting that... i wonder why i didnt...
-
-
-
-
Welcome to AllPoetry
Thank You for Your Entry
What a unique poem The flow of rubies changing form is different and startles me a little bit as though it is true it is still a shock thing to read per say. Please don't miss-interpret this comment - I think this is a fantastic poem
Best of Luck mate
I hope you enjoy AllPoetry and continue to share your words with us
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
Site Greeter -
-
thank you ever so much for the lovely comment.
to me, poetry should be about surprise, shocking the reader/audience out of their predictions, so going from a wedding to a fatal wedding night does just that.
thanks again.
-
-
awwww so beautiful
-
-
thankies.
-
-
Welcome To Allpoetry
One minor glitch, PRACTISED is PRACTICED...Over all, you have a lovely poem with a hint of darkness to it!
Welcome to AllPoetry! I hope you are enjoying yourself on this site!
Blessed Be,
Jeremy
Site Greeter
-
-
oh (insert mild swearing here) thank you!
i am, yes, i've already made some friends, so thank you ^_^
blessed be and merry part ^_^
-
-
Welcome to Allpoetry
Glad to see I'm not the only one who is multilingual The use of different languages can accentuate a well-written poem, which this has. Your write can be interpreted as either very cute/fluffy or very morbid/creepy (if people read into it what I did)... I could be waayyyy off, but that's the way my mind works
"twisted in a french way?" This bothered me... "French-twist" works just fine.
Be careful of using certain words: this is an all-ages contest, so adult-only or erotic poems are not permitted here. Your poem walks a thin line between sensual and erotic; I'd consider rephrasing a few words, so as not to cross it.
I suggest using a bit more punctuation to better break this up, but other than that minor detail, this is a beautiful write. Good luck & thank you for your entry
Laura
Site Greeter
-
-
i'm on to it right now ^_^
it is so true. a different language makes it more special, especially if it's coded, so that only one other person can understand it. anyway, thank you for the comment ^_^ -
-
I was in the middle of editing the comment when you saw it... I suggest another quick peek Lemme know if you have any questions
& you're right. Languages are beautiful. I'm learning my 4th now
-
-
4th? wow!
i'll make those other changes now ^_^
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
