and we realize that the highlights and shadows
in paintings are things we never noticed
or even knew existed,
like a blood rose in the wind-
blown free as we stare helplessly,
sour fingers in our open mouths;
reteaching ourselves what it means to move
or that the sensation-slither on our skin,
means that what we are feeling is "wet"-
as we grasp our skulls,
kneeling shrunken
in the sunken floors
of our tubs.
God help me.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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trippy, and just slightly creepy as towards the end
I can imagine something snakelike slithering along
my arm, but gooey at the same time....
[it only makes sense to my mind haha
]
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Ya we are so busy with life stuff we don't notice a lot of things, I like that word reteaching. Lot of time w have to reteach ourselves thing we haven't did in a longt time. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed your read.
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this is a very interesting piece. nice to read though. i like the whol thing
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Wow this is really different, but it was very good as well High lights and shadows in painting I like that line since you need it in drawing as well. Thank you for sharing and it was a pleasure to read
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Interesting
Great use of metaphors written in such an abstract way. -
very nice
The imagery is very dark... and brooding... it sneaks up on you...
nice metaphors and similes:like a blood rose in the wind-
we grasp our skulls,
kneeling shrunken
in the sunken floors
of our tubs.I think it's good to look for words you can cut out of a piece, such as: and, what, or, that, etc. Sometimes they weaken the over all effect you are striving for.
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The images in this are very emotionally evocative. I think that is what makes this piece what it is. The message was heart felt as well.
Thank you for this wonderful read!
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WOW
this is so beautiful
this is really just amazing i feel honored to read it
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very real...
we remind ourselves:this is water. this is water.
"reteaching ourselves what it means to move" fantastic! -
Oooh!
This is beautifully evocative. I love the way it begins, as if it's the final paragraph of a foregone conclusion, the last sentence of a novel. There is a sense of pondering, of cosmic significance; it's as though a question is being asked even though no question mark is present...and no, I am NOT just pulling that out of my ***, dear...
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cool, I love the lines 'like a blood rose in the wind- blown free as we stare helplessly'
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I love this poem. Everything about it--from the choice of background to the word choice--adds to its quality, and the simple truth of it is so astounding as well. Great write!
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wow! This got better as it went on. I also love how it starts, and everything about it, actually. Such a great write! Thanks for featuring..keep writing
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This piece is like a deep breath of surprise in silence, the wording superb, the subject matter reminding us of the breathless surprise of noticing the little things, or things we have taken for granted, things we have always noticed without really 'noticing', if that makes any sense.
Good write.
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This has me in some kind of free fall I would say, the damn thing looks like a grenade and just exploded in the back of my mind.
Now I must contemplate on what it is you are trying to say here, feels like a bad dream, perhaps a rude awakening to something that is not real after all.
All I can say is, very well done!
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Hey, that's bad ass. Did you eat some acid or mushrooms? That's what this reminds me of, that initial shock of ego-death. I could be way off, but this is vivid and well written.
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No, no acid or mushrooms. I turn on instrumental music and just write, and these are the sorts of things that come out. While I was writing, I was contemplating how aware of everything I had been that day, and how I rediscovered things I saw every day but had in a way had forgotten existed.
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Stunning writing. You have such a unique and powerful voice Jayme!
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