She lies,
her torn dress strewn across the wooden floor.
A passionate love takes a turn for the worse –
what brought her happiness
now sends her heart pummeling
into the dark abyss
of pain.
A beautiful gift,
consumed by the devil’s sadism and masochism,
turned into a game of torture
and hurt.
Waterfalls flow,
forming the pool soaking through
her fluorescent garment.
Her life is shattered
within the course of a
few minutes.
Agony overwhelms her soul,
closing in on her stomach,
intertwining with both confusion
and destruction,
forming the acidic stake
tearing her heart open,
compassion pouring out for
her true love,
the one who completes her,
destroys her.
…
She’s felt the torment of
the sweetest sin.
Author notes
Well it's been a few months since I wrote anything. Been having some serious writer's block, so I'm not too sure how this is.
Keep in mind that it's just a draft.
Inspired by the story of Himeko and Chikane <3
Honest criticisms please!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You can imagine this; but Demon's Bride is right, maybe a little more description. But, just by itself, this is very good. It has a lot of emotion in it; and even if you don't add anything to it, this is perfectly fine all by itself.
forming the acidic stake
tearing her heart open,
compassion pouring out for
her true love,
the one who completes her,
destroys her.
I really like those lines.
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Thanks!
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You are welcome.
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Wow
This is truly awesome, no lie. I don't see anything that needs redoing.
This is really good. I think your writers block is cured. Wish I could give you four applause. 
I disagree with Demon's Bride, I can imagine it. One just has to use their imagination.
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Thank you so much
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nice. i like it. i just think it could use a little more description, it paints a picture, just not a very vivid one in my mind. a good draft, though.
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Yea i realised that. But it was relatively rapidly written. But thanks
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