He was once so charming, so perfect
His smile so blinding, so captivating
His humor, his laugh are only two things that I miss
It'd take me forever to write down the list
And even if I did my tears would stain the sheet
Collapse from betrayal, collapse from defeat
I remember his words that I don't want to replay
They echo in my head as if it all happened yesterday
I want to feel his warmth when it was me he would hold
Everyday since he left me I'm alone in the cold
Even when it's sunny outside my heart can't believe his words are true
I'll never realize what he meant when he said "I don't love you."
He's the ashes of memories in the stone fireplace
A mask to hide his feelings, just a poker face
I don't want to move on but I won't, wanting, stay
My life was ruined yesterday
My stardom is over I can't touch the skies
I'm only a black hole who fails when she tries
Can't escape the darkness, lost in outer space
Don't want to go any further, just walk in place
I sitting here staring where your footsteps are gone
Why does time move so slowly, the day is so long
I'll never be alright, I'll never be okay
The pain is still here like it was yesterday
I wish life was perfect like the tiled squares on the floor
But it's not so I don't want to continue life anymore
I'll never forgive you, I'll never forget
I won't let you off because you are in debt
And I can't stand that innocent look in your eyes
I wish I was free like that bird there that flies
There is a price that you still need to pay
For that broken heart that you bought yesterday...
A contest entry
- I Don't Move On by Dead Hair.
575 points, ended July 19, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRWRITE CONTEST FOR ALL by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended August 2, 1024 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest - round 1 by serenity silvermoon.
929 points, ended October 12, 459 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest 1st come 1st serve by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended November 14, 406 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment. This was for a contest and took an extremely long time. Be considerate, but constructive. After all, this contest had no rules, so I want this the best it can be.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Promise ... sing
Prescient beyond her years with an impressive potential hardly handicapped by eleven years of smiles. From a technical - in the poetic sense - this poem will doubtlessly be revisited in time
He's the ashes of memories in the stone fireplace
A mask to hide his feelings, just a poker face
I don't want to move on but I won't, wanting, stay
Life was ruined yesterday
In the changes suggested for the final couplet after an excellent start whose polish few attain, let alone at the author's age, wanting should be interpreted in the sense of 'lacking'.
Let the poem lie as it is until you start rewriting everything and the rough diamond will sparkle through time

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I changed it to your requests.
If I don't review for more of your poems I will slap myself, ashamed. I don't deserve your praise...
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I loved that, that made me think of what happend between me and Dalton.
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I can see that a considerable amount of thought was put into each word. Well done, your effort really shows and I appreciate it.

Never stop writing!
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Amazing
It kinda makes me wanna cry just a little...I like how it's so sad but in a beautiful way
1 - 5 of 5





