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En Passant (revised)

i opened my life
Saragossa
to Russian shouts
and Caissa's laughter

i played for
the intimacy of battle
and the tingle
of a beautiful move

mating was incidental








Author notes

is the phrase "En Passant" ("in passing") the new 'Cerulean' ?

perhaps "En Passant" is too cliche but "Najdorf Sicilian with Colors Reversed" just doesn't have that ring to it...


(info as requested:
"Saragossa" - an opening move in chess, but not necessarily a very aggressive or ambitious one.
"Caissa" - goddess of the game of chess.)

is the longer version of this piece better?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • sleepinglion
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this, being a frustrated player myself, it ''captures'' so much in so few words. How often do we act like pawns when it truth we are Kings, (I dare not say Queens in case you misconstrue my meaning,LOL).
    Regards david


  • petalblue2
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    There is a Goddess to the game of chess? Wow Well versed and nicely penned.
    Kelly

  • sleepinglion
    July 31
    Edit | Reply
    Being a lover of chess, but unfortunately not a player, I thought this poem was splendid, well done.
    david

  • abu nuwas
    July 23

    Edit | Reply

    The English Opening...

    I shall look for more chess-themed ones --'The Queen's Gambit Declined' sounds a catchy title to me.


  • deercatcher
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    P- PK4

  • Bruce silver member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply

    Stunning!

    Mary Jo - This is wonderful! You have a great gift and you write poetry unlike anyone else on this site! The last line was genius! Brava!

  • silverfish
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    so . . . you are caissa? just asking. anyway, you make all the right moves here from opening gambit to the mating. -bobbyfish er


    • Nangaleema
      July 17
      Edit | Reply
      hahaha me, caissa? no. i wish.
      "bobbyfish er" - I swear you crack me up! i enjoy you immensely.


  • therenaissancegirl
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    lol I like "En Passant" just fine as a title. A suggestion, though: maybe in the Author's Notes you could put what/where Saragossa is. I had no idea what it was and had to pull out Google (poor me, right? lol). By the way, Caissa is a beautiful name. Is it pronounced like "(K)eye-sa" or "Kay-sa"?

    • Nangaleema
      July 17
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for commenting on my poem. i took your advice and included more info in the author's notes.
      and in answer to your query, Caissa is pronounced "ky-EE-suh" or "ky-suh."


  • Man of Harlech silver member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    I had hoped that you wouldn't revise this. I did not feel that it was necessary. Obviously you are experiencing new voices and feel secure about your freedom. Thank you for sharing this one.

    • Nangaleema
      July 17
      Edit | Reply
      ...you know i cannot help myself... must revise... cannot stop...
      but i kept the original draft too.

      thank you for reading my poetry. you know i value your thoughts.

      (p.s. i have edited this simple comment about four times. no joke! somebody stop me!!!)

  • loafy
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, all your poems have a abstract zest to it.


    • Nangaleema
      July 5
      Edit | Reply
      thanks, buddy!
      aparently for me everything is a metaphor. even the game of chess...

1 - 16 of 16