Damned

Damned, destructive, death guaranteed,

this is where I am, beaten, brutalized,

hated, shamed, this is who I am.

I was never able to love for fear of the hate,

I was never able to trust because of the lies,

you came along and taught me both.

Now love songs kill me, right now I want to

die instead of cry, I want to go beyond the

world to the realm of nothingness.

I wanted to be your fantasy, you love,

your forever but no you could not have that

so I will go back to the hell I lived in before.

Trailer roof falling in, floors falling in, no

plumbing, no water, no heat, alone,

tired, depressed and giving up.

The night closes in and I am DAMNED,

for my dreams are dark and dreary now

where you use to walk along side of me.

You use to hold me in your arms,

whispering that you loved me, now, yes 

now all I can see is death and destruction.

Back to the beatings, the death of a life,

back to the hatred of self, back to the 

hatred of living.

Nothing mattered but you, 

I had never opened myself that way,

and these words I don't just say.

I sought trust and I found it....in you....

no nothing matters, I don't care what

they do now.

Lovelessness, hopelessness they will

by my constant friends, don't you see,

there is nothing left here for me.

I opened my mind, had a different view,

now that is gone, with the ticking of the clock

I again embrace my best friend.

You know what that is,

but no you don't for it is not there,

tattoos have replaced the silver blade.

You said you would love me till I died,

but you lied, you told me I was a toy,

and now you will forever prey upon my mind.