The rain filters the air I breathe
a butterfly's wings is crushed
underneath the murky water
cause I know now I have fallen
through this rabbit hole
down into damnation
where my heart is blindfolded with tears
lost and broken
like a rose torn in lies
in the darkness of despair
am I dead? or just seeing what is not there
Author notes
I have Read the Rules
Written March 22nd, 2004
A contest entry
- +*~Loneliness~*+ by Magnum.
300 points, ended March 25, 2004, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
a clear picture of loneliness , a good poem and very beautiful start and end,asuming to be as delicate as a butterfly and then trying to figure out whats around os real or not, quite a good way of expressing the twist of loneliness bravoo!
oh and i caught a small mistake, in the second line i think it sould go like
" butterfly's WING is crushed"
or like
"butterfly's wings ARE crushed"
thanx for sharing -
Thats really beautiful and captivating...great imageries especialy in those lines:
"where my heart is blindfolded with tears
lost and broken
like a rose torn in lies
in the darkness of despair
am I dead? or just seeing what is not there "
Wael
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i really like the thought provoking imagery and such, a butterflys wing is crushed underneath murky water just gave me this vivid image i was like woah! also allusions are always A+ by me and the rabbit hole, while a common one gave it style and indirect meaning which i like! i liked it.
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a very thought provoking poem. I wonder now if lonliness is not just a perception and none of us are ever really alone at all...perhaps a state of mind conjured when we need to be alone? A terrific write and best of wishes..~genielassie~
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