innocence and naivety
are taken far too much for granted
watching children run, play, and make-believe
raises envy like bile in my throat
you would think the simple love of a youth
would be easily trumped by true love,
but I think I'd give anything to go back
to when a broken heart could be cured by cupcakes.
Author notes
this probably isn't worth of winning much of anything, but i needed a good prompt.
A contest entry
- A heart that loves is always young. by silverscent.
620 points, ended July 6, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I like the idea that you have here, I really do, there's just something that bothered me.
You have all these soft images of' innocence,' 'make-beleive' and 'cupcakes,' and then sat right in the middle is "raises envy like bile in my throat."
I know you were trying to make a point, but those exact words are too harsh and don't let the rest of the poem flow. Maybe something as emotional but less graphic might work there instead?
Anyway thanks for entering.
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lol...if i get mad at dalton he brings me a milkshake or cherry limeade or banana split.
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