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Sappy Sad F*cker

In these pillows,
I throw down my head
When these brown eyes
g o  red,
Sometimes I need someone to see
Sometimes I need someone to hold me
Sometimes I need someplace to be

when these brown eyes go red

Is it ok?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Tzipora
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    i liked this. it was so different from you usual writing i think.

    -lol, im like nodding as i keep reading it over.

    yes, good write


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    good use of repetition here...liked it a lot


    • sinkfloridasink
      July 5
      Edit | Reply
      thanks, I've had really bad writers block lately and it seems that I've lost it. Thank you for the comment, it means a lot.